jo7iah
Region: CA
Thursday 16 July 2026 14:19:23 GMT
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mnkay👑 :
So fawning is essentially people pleasing?
2026-07-18 20:25:12
236
Just_Lindsey :
1/2 When I hear you say, “people who fawn intellectually understand, but their nervous system isn’t ready,” my immediate thought is, “Couldn’t we say the same thing about people who fight, flight, or freeze?” Intellectual insight without embodied change isn’t unique to one adaptation. It’s a human phenomenon. The same thing applies to interpretation. You often describe other people as seeing the world through their nervous system, their unmet needs, or their survival adaptations. My question is: what makes you think you aren’t doing the same? We all perceive reality through our nervous systems. The goal isn’t to eliminate that. It’s to become aware of it and develop enough flexibility to revise our models when new information challenges them. This is where I struggle with your content. It often feels like disagreement is interpreted as evidence that the other person is dysregulated, dependent, or triggered, rather than as a legitimate challenge to your framework. I rarely hear curiosity or collaborative language. I hear certainty. And certainty isn’t the same thing as integration. I also think the language you use tells on the framework underneath it. You frequently describe yourself as highly autonomous, highly independent, and highly self-contained. Those are valuable capacities, but security isn’t simply maximizing autonomy. Security is flexibility. It’s the ability to move toward autonomy when appropriate and toward dependence when appropriate without either threatening your sense of self. What concerns me most isn’t that we disagree. It’s that your framework often doesn’t seem to allow for the possibility that your own interpretations are also shaped by your nervous system. The certainty with which you explain other people’s motives sometimes feels like the very thing you’re encouraging others to question within themselves. If your position is that disagreement from an insecurely attached person should first be understood as an expression of their nervous system, then shouldn’t that same principle apply to everyone… including you?
2026-07-16 20:42:19
652
J.Beans :
I have a fawn response. Im very self aware of it. Changing your response to things when you catch yourself doing it, is the hardest thing ever. Creating safety within myself is also scary but slowly I'm getting there. Saying no, walking away from.things and people instead of fawning is hard. You're going against everything you've ever known but that's the only way to change. I've been doing so many things on my own now and trying to meet my own needs without out sourcing to others.
2026-07-16 20:15:57
590
Jen :
Do you think you still have avoidant tendencies or have you worked through the majority of that now?
2026-07-16 14:56:19
434
justcallmegolden :
Chile my fyp is getting too personal I need to go to bed.
2026-07-17 11:13:23
86
Shantise :
Unmet needs don’t only show up as seeking connection. Sometimes they show up as avoiding connection and vulnerability. It sounds like avoidance is easier for you, not better, which is why you can speak to that perspective. I can speak to both. Hyper-independence can be just as much of a response to unmet needs as clinginess or people-pleasing. They’re different responses to the same underlying needs. For example, someone with an unmet need for safety may become clingy and constantly seek reassurance, while someone else may become hyper-independent and refuse to rely on anyone, leaving prematurely when conflicts arise.
2026-07-19 16:28:16
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itsb3tt :
I wonder then if part of fawning comes down to identity. If someone has a strong sense of identity they’re probably less likely to mould to every situation in order to feel safe.
2026-07-17 10:01:48
152
Art Mesa :
Fawn response or fawn reaction? A response requires time to think, deliberate, choose words, then saying them vs something automatic from a nervous system on survival mode.
2026-07-17 23:25:56
18
wa.nderluster :
This is the person I just got out of a relationship with and it pushed me to a breaking point. Thanks for breaking this down.
2026-07-16 16:52:10
70
Phoenix the Empress ✨ :
This isn’t true. Maybe it’s true for some—but not me and not according to my trauma therapist. Fawn is just as valid as flight and fight. Also, safety isn’t just about physical safety—safety is emotional, intellectual, financial and SOCIAL. I have several thoughts and questions… but I’m going to sit with them… but my initial thought is disagreement.
2026-07-18 14:21:32
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Pretty Powerhouse :
All roads lead back to personal responsibility. Thank you for this video!
2026-07-19 12:49:55
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anothernobodyontiktok :
Healing FA here! This was me 5 years ago, but I learned that I can always be stable, have boundaries and prioritise MY nervous system in any storm! I personally struggle most with others lack of consideration and understanding. I used to fight for my point every single time. HEAR ME! Was my biggest wound. Today, I come back to myself each and every time, but I still feel restless in relationships
2026-07-16 19:52:12
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Mari 🍵 :
And the reality is that with these individuals, no amount of empathy, validation, and or understanding will be enough because the deficit is internal and a lack of understanding of one’s self concept. A lot of people get into and or stay in relationships that “serve” a purpose for them. Typically, it’s a need to outsource regulation, emotional development, and or the ability to soothe. People are rarely operating in relationships from wholeness and mostly relating to others through unhealed wounds and the need to control to orchestrate safety. As a therapist, I have to often redirect my clients back to self and remind them that compliance/control isn’t the same as authentic consent and mutuality. A lot of people need to do extensive emotional regulation work and build distress tolerance around reality.
2026-07-20 23:14:22
5
Christina Horton :
Ummmm. Whoa. This is oversimplified. Overgeneralized. Concerningly, there are numerous “fawn responses” in these comments.
2026-07-17 20:04:06
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seldom.ever :
I had an abusive ex who found me,with an active order of protection. He knocked on my car window as I was pulling in my driveway. And I immediately got out of the car got into his and gave him directions to our kids school where we picked them up. My family stopped talking to me, bc they helped me get out of the situation but after therapy and being told me about fawning I broke down. I didn’t want to, but I let him back in bc I was terrified. No one believes me. But fast forward I left on my own finally and started a new life with my kids, safe.
2026-07-19 04:43:18
6
Briskii :
Idk I definitely think it depends on the situation for me the only times I’ve fawned is when I genuinely think I can’t overpower the person or protect myself if they don’t like my response ( usually men ) but if it is a person that I know won’t physically hurt me or I can put up a fight if needed if I set a boundary or conflict comes then I will proceed. So I don’t think it’s always to have someone else be “ responsible “
2026-07-19 02:17:51
5
🦋Seliyanaizulu🐆 :
I've noticed that fawners and the hyper independent always find their way towards each other. i think they're opposite ends of the same spectrum.
2026-07-20 12:48:43
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Princess Coley :
This app keeps getting better and better, this is an amazing topic!
2026-07-17 06:51:34
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itsalexjustalex :
People are never pleased so why people please 🤷🏾♀️
2026-07-18 14:44:30
8
Megan :
I think the term “empath” has taken on a new meaning now a days… it’s like this : you were young, your primary caregivers nervous system was wack, and they couldn’t meet your emotional needs. So you began to self soothe yourself AND soothe your CGs needs. If you were upset, and they were too, you learned to shrink your needs in order for them to feel comfortable. And you kept on doing that throughout your adolescence and brought it straight into adulthood and relationships. Then what happens is we go out of our energy field & into another persons energy field to try and meet their emotional needs WITHOUT them asking us to do that. We are crossing energetic boundaries without permission. I’m a retired empath please god help me along this journey LMAO. People pleasing isn’t something you can just step out of. It takes consist practice of staying sovereign in your own body. Minding your own business and practicing physical and energetic boundaries.
2026-07-19 03:41:17
6
miloolim :
Absolutely! I do agree with you fully, and I am a fawner that is working on trusting myself again. My nervous system is wrecked because I am processing through the reasons why I fawn and building new ways to keep myself safe. It feels so destabilizing because I am so used to not knowing my own needs and only caring about others needs.
2026-07-16 20:33:51
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☆𝕃𝕒𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕟☆ :
God has clocked me 3 tiktoks in a row… 😫😫. I needed to hear this because I was just thinking about how people don’t know “me” because I’m mirroring them to try to foster a connection when I need to learn how to be stable first. And maybe that’s why my friendships don’t feel fully whole or I don’t feel truly connected to anyone. Thank you for this insight.
2026-07-17 05:36:12
19
Sunshine. :
I have a fawn response, it would take me a lot to connect myself with a man again. I am very aware I do this, it's mostly something that comes out during conflict however and once I'm out of that situation I'm never seeing that person again
2026-07-16 22:03:50
81
Aisha :
Working through detangling my fawn response and codependency - this is is 🎯! Everything you view is filtered through fight, flight, freeze and fawn. You literally do not see reality for what it is. It’s actually insane.
2026-07-18 23:30:26
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