@heaven :
I experienced a deeply traumatic history with my cousin, who, during our childhood, would physically assault me to the point of unconsciousness. At that time, both of us were navigating difficult and incomplete lives. Eventually, we entered into a marriage, but the abuse did not cease—it continued, and I was systematically cast as the perpetrator in our dynamic.
A mutual friend once encouraged me to let go of the past, insisting that childhood behaviors should be forgiven and that people are capable of change. While it is true that my cousin appeared to evolve in his interactions with others, his treatment of me remained cruel and dehumanizing. I have come to believe that childhood bullying is not excused by time, nor does it simply dissipate with age. The notion that filling a missing piece—whether emotional, relational, or situational—will automatically heal such deep wounds is, in my view, a dangerous oversimplification. Occasionally, transformation may occur, but it should never be treated as a guaranteed outcome. In many cases, a bully may remain perpetually ungrateful, insecure, and abusive, regardless of external changes.
The tragic loss of our babies ultimately became the turning point that freed me from this marriage. Yet even in that grief, I was unjustly blamed. I was labeled the villain, and cruel rumors circulated that the deaths of my children were my fault—a burden no one should ever have to bear.
Ironically, even after our separation, my own nature did not change; I remained forgiving. In my grief, I often wished my babies had survived, believing that perhaps their lives might have bridged the distance between us and brought us closer. That hope dissolved, however, when I later learned that my cousin had been abusing his other children. In that devastating revelation, I found myself thanking God for the death of my own babies—not out of callousness, but out of the harrowing recognition that they were spared from a life of suffering at the hands of a man who had never truly changed.
2026-08-14 05:25:10