@ashbg.motherhood: People always say your kids need a regulated mum more than they need a clean house. And I hear that. I understand the intention. It is trying to give exhausted mothers permission to let things go. To sit on the floor and play instead of wiping the benches for the third time. To be present instead of productive. But can we talk about those of us who can only be regulated because the house is clean? Because for a lot of women the mess is not just aesthetic. It is cognitive load. Every unwashed dish is a task undone. Every cluttered surface is evidence of the invisible labour that nobody else is noticing or doing. The visual noise of a disorganised home does not feel like freedom. It feels like more things to carry. She cannot relax in a messy house not because she is a perfectionist or a control freak or has unrealistic standards. But because the mess is a constant reminder that she is the only one who noticed it needed doing. And if she stops noticing, nobody else will start. The advice to lower your standards assumes the standard is arbitrary. That she is choosing to care about it. That if she just decided not to, she could be regulated in a messy house. It is rarely that simple. The solution is not to tell her to care less about the house. The solution is for someone else in the house to care too. Regulate the mother by sharing the load. Not by asking her to stop noticing it.

Ash BG

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Region: AU

Thursday 23 July 2026 00:21:18 GMT