BoundByAzrael :
Sometimes you love someone so much just so they know they can be loved. I was with this girl for 5 years (she was an avoidant), I was her first real relationship. I did everything “right”, those first 3 years… flowers each week - dates / compliments / plans to keep things alive - worshiped her MIND and body… she was everything. She was the air in every room I walked into. She was my water, my sun, the “breath of life” in my body. My dad would always say things like that about my mom, and I didn’t *really* understand until I met her. After a while, I noticed she never did those things for me. I couldn’t think of a single time in those 3 years she complimented me.. flirted with me.. touched me (not sexual) just to feel my skin/ blood pressure/energy/pace of breathing like I would for her. She had never seen me mad, or seen me cry. I noticed.. for 3 years.. it was just me. The next two I toned it down a bit.. with any distance I saw some effort from her. She’d say she liked the shirt I was wearing or ask how my day was. At our 5 years mark, I woke up with an ache in my chest; because I realized I was thinking of marrying her. And she, she was thinking of herself. Realizing you were a part of someone’s life to show them they are lovable, there are incredible things about them someone will cherish - is sad. Being a “lesson”. She said I didn’t do anything wrong, she just “wasn’t there”, didn’t change the fact that I lost someone I wanted to grow with. Breakups are hard. I have BPD (&Bipolar-Wild combo) and those 5 years were some of the most controlled / stable I’ve lived. I wanted to be better for her. I wanted to be the best - for her. We both learned something, I learned how to let go - and she learned a few things too. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to marry someone again but I’m glad I experienced the feeling - some never do 🫶🏼
2026-08-05 00:09:16