@litemindedtherapy: Psychologically, fantasy often protects us from having to face a reality that once felt unbearable: that the person we needed may not have been capable of meeting us in the way we needed. Holding onto the possibility that things could still become different allows the attachment to stay intact. It gives us a sense of control over something we were actually powerless inside of. Because if the answer is that we just need to be more lovable, more patient, more understanding, or less demanding, then there is still something we can do. The fantasy protects us from grief, but it can also keep us trying to solve an old wound through the present. This is why reality can sometimes feel more threatening than disappointment. Letting go of the fantasy does not only mean accepting who another person is; it can mean mourning the version of the relationship, and sometimes the version of ourselves, that we believed their love would finally make possible. That grief can feel like losing hope, even when it is actually the beginning of seeing more clearly. The work is not to stop longing or needing connection. It is to become more able to tell the difference between a relationship that is growing and one that survives mainly through what we keep imagining it could become. #emotionalneglect #complextrauma #traumatherapy #nyctherapist #relationaltrauma

Alivia Hall | NYC Therapist

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Monday 27 July 2026 18:38:27 GMT