Daryle C. Tibbs
Region: US
Tuesday 28 July 2026 12:41:29 GMT
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KortniSco :
Just in case guy sees this… my now husband told me, “I don’t think I can marry you unless you stop drinking”, so I stopped and did AA and I go to therapy. My life is more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed. He saved me because he loved me. 2 kids and 10 years sober I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. All this to say, it doesn’t always end badly.
2026-08-04 14:36:31
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Stacey💜 :
He literally said her only red flag is how much she drinks and thinks 4 seltzer a day is a lot. I would be really interested to know what she is doing that makes him think she has a problem? Does she get angry or emotional? Doesn't sound like shes missing work or family events. Are bills being paid? it almost seems as if the OP is just a non drinker and thinks 4 drinks (seltzers at that) is excessive. I mean, they clearly have different views on drinking, and thats ok, but maybe he needs to find someone who doesn't drink.
2026-08-06 21:21:41
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Maseface1015 :
The 4 seltzers a day kinda has me confused. I’m not saying it’s ok but that’s not enough to get me drunk and I am a special occasion/weekend drinker.
2026-08-05 01:27:37
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SeriouslyStecky :
Absolutely agree. I married an alcoholic who was functional…until he wasn’t. Alcohol is a toxin and affects the brain over time - I saw it first hand. Save yourself the pain I went through - and stay in therapy (with a new therapist).
2026-07-28 18:08:22
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just over it :
there's some confusion about what alcoholism is in the comments. there are 11 symptoms of alcohol use disorder and if you have at least 2 over a 12mo period, it's considered alcoholism. as this person is described, they are likely a moderate to severe alcoholic (not a diagnosis, not a doctor)
2026-08-06 13:06:42
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Tapdivaaa :
As a recovering high functioning alcoholic, yes. There was literally never a time I was in control of my drinking. I thought because I only drank at night and never at work it was ok. It was not and it did get worse. 5 years this month.
2026-08-05 15:28:22
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Temeraire516 :
some of the comments saying 4 drinks a day is not that concerning are wrong. I know it's been normalized by culture but from a medical standpoint it is easily enough to damage your body. And she is an alcoholic because she is unable to quit, and is most likely hiding how much she is actually drinking.
2026-08-15 02:33:35
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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ :
I was raised by parents who drank similar to this every night. Didn't act "drunk", but it got to a point where child me couldn't attend certain evening activities because neither parent could legally drive me or pick me up. I had to take their evening drinking into account whenever I made plans. Not a massive issue, in hindsight, but it lowkey sucked. One time after a party went sideways I was scared and rang my dad to come get me, but he couldn't coz he'd been drinking (pre uber days). Just stuff to take into account if you want to have a family with a functioning drinker, I guess.
2026-08-07 08:22:38
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Simone Nikole199 :
She was sober for a month with no issue
2026-08-02 01:49:11
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yfree1 :
Agree with everyone's advice. You really dont know who she is because she wakes up with a drink. What if you dont like the sober person? Alcohol and drugs are a no for me
2026-07-29 10:42:44
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Heidi Tenk :
Remember when alcoholism was the norm in the 50’s and 60’s, especially with after work drinking. He should watch Mad Men.
2026-07-28 14:01:18
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Nora :
I’m a therapist & psychiatric NP. He absolutely needs a new therapist. Alanon is another good resource. The red flag is the GFs lack of insight into her unresolved issues. Alcoholism is a progressive illness and she will lose relationships, jobs and her health overtime. I dont encourage ultimatums per se- but I do think it’s appropriate to tell her that he cannot marry or remain present in such a dysfunctional and sick environment/relationship. She is in denial.
2026-07-29 12:43:27
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deedjukic :
My father was a high functioning alcoholic until he wasn’t, it usually gets worse, and the fact that she has a drink within two hours of waking tells me he alcoholism is very serious. My fathers used to say he couldn’t sleep and woke very early, I later figured out he would start to have withdrawals and that’s why he woke up, to drink again.
2026-08-05 00:40:19
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rozc537 :
As she ages the alcohol combined with the changing metabolism might be the point where the deterioration actually accelerates. Her body’s ability to metabolize alcohol will change, but her use won’t.
2026-07-28 17:09:09
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Klutzykat666 :
If she were actively involved with treatment, the relationship would have potential. With her being in denial and active addiction, he needs to be clear that he’s done if she won’t address her addiction. Then he needs to actually follow through and move out.
2026-07-28 12:55:20
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rescues3647 :
Alcoholism is an absolute no. Life always gets harder, which means drinking will get even harder to control.
2026-08-04 19:32:12
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RedWoodDragon :
Being sober for one month and going back to drinking afterwards does not translate to me as “no issues. “ Sometimes the higher the functioning, the stronger than denial. Alcoholism is progressive and if she is an alcoholic rather than a heavy drinker, she will get worse and begin crossing off those “nevers” she’s so proud she doesn’t have, which are most commonly “not yets,” unless she stops and recovers. I believe this wholeheartedly.
2026-08-04 22:39:15
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Ann :
Good advice!! And when I heard what the therapist said, my jaw dropped. Sadly, he’s going to have to mend a broken heart because I don’t foresee this working out
2026-07-28 12:56:24
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Liliana Sółkowska :
if my fiance didn't care about himself and want to be healthy so we can have a long life together then he really doesn't love me does he?
2026-08-06 04:10:45
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rachel_howell :
Bad idea to marry somebody who's already married to alcohol.
2026-07-31 00:07:57
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Imintroublenow :
Alcoholics only get worse over time. I have a friend who got so bad, she was found collapsed on the floor by her son. She was diagnosed with "wet brain" and is permanently disabled. She can't walk without help and can't ever be alone and she has difficulty speaking. I never realize how much she drank. I divorced my ex-husband who was a functioning alcoholic. He thought he was hiding it and our fights had begun to be violent. Eventually an alcoholic will lose everything and everyone they love unless they decide to stop drinking.
2026-08-06 15:47:03
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ohsewdizzy :
An alcoholic is exactly that. You cannot help her. She has to help herself. Never think she doesn’t love you enough to stop she can’t stop.
2026-07-29 22:29:19
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Beanie :
Having worked with a “high functioning alcoholic”, they do not really function well and do their job poorly.
2026-08-05 00:32:00
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Kat 🦋 :
He needs to leave. There's no future with a person like that.
2026-07-28 20:55:38
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TLC_3021 :
Recently divorced to a high functioning alcoholic, who hid it and then went off the deep end. I stayed as it got worse and worse and worse, and then had to leave for my safety. You can’t set boundaries with an alcoholic or negotiate because they lie. Leave and set boundaries from a safe distance that allow you to have physical and emotional boundaries. I wish that I had left earlier as it’s the only real way to set any kind of boundary.
2026-08-04 18:39:34
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