matcha :
Dear Yuan,
I never intended to love you at all. I never knew these walls of protection from love would crumple the day you confessed. I never truly fought for something that wasn't entirely mine, but the day, you said “I like you” something in me shattered, i've experienced being loved by you, being cared by you. and honestly?, if love hadn't faded into scrap's of memories I would keep on loving you. those simple gestures, simple messages, simple doodles and comfort I've received from you was never just ”Simple”. it held a part of me that I was afraid to give, yet gave to you cause I knew it was worth the risk. I miss our messages, those nights where we talked to each other till midnight and those nights where we stood side by side, promising that love will find its way to us again. It hurts, hurts to believe I need to forget everything like it didn't matter to me, like those messages on paper didn't matter, like our chats didn't matter. was it casual when we said ”I love you” to each other? or the fact you once said you'd come back for me and take me away?, Every memory, every second, it hurts watching the universe tore us apart. It could've healed me, could've showed me that love wasn't always romance, but no. It shredded me to pieces, You still visit me in my dream and sometimes I wish that would happen in real time too. I look at my phone cautiously, hoping for a message I know I will no longer receive. If I had the chance to replay everything, I would. cause replying everything we've done was probably where I felt best, comfort, and the type of happiness I never knew existed. I still yearn, and carving myself into the person I wanted to be. But I know, from the very bottom that a single text from you, a single ”I miss you, please comeback” from you I know I would instantly drop everything and run to you. Maybe that's how pathetic I am for you, cause It shows I never wanted us to end. I hope we find our way to each other again, but for now, I'm still at the apartment, I'm still sitting at the restaurant. I'm still waiting for a ghost I hope will return to me :)..
2026-08-02 01:03:34