@jasonclewis: The most persistent and cascading effect of my childhood is my anger and reactivity. My home had big love in it for sure but reactivity was ever present in my home when I was young. Things that required only a 2 or 3 in intensity, often became 8’s, 9’s, and 10’s. The environment was often unpredictable, ordinary mornings with brooding auras, meals seething, and the snap of leather belts. I spent nights in the kitchen, in the aisles of grocery stores, and on morning commutes trying to make jokes, searching for ways to bring levity and reduce the tension. Sometimes I was successful, but many times I was not. At times… it felt like the smartest and safest thing to do was to stay as small as possible. Perhaps I would avoid the incoming anger or wrath. I actually got half decent at it… a mixture of a clown and a mime… tragically when you shrink one part of yourself, you also shrink the others. It took much of my twenties and thirties to process and heal those parts. Now a dad, I have made strides, and I have not repeated many of the same things. But with anger… the progress has been slow, and the victories are rarer than I’d like to admit. Books, therapy, and honest communication with him about these failures I engage in regularly. I don’t enjoy being so vulnerable, nor showing my worst moments. However, I know it is precisely my capacity to do that, that gives me any chance of becoming something more, something better. Huck I think needs to see me this way at times, trying, failing, and being honest about it. Now I have improved, but there is a lot of work left, still many storms ahead. It’s funny though… we often talk about bison… haha he’s a huge fan. The thing he likes most about them, is that they’re the only animals in the world, when a storm comes, they run directly towards it. And when you’re a father, if you want to be a good one, that’s exactly what you have to do. At least, that’s what I’m trying to do. Love you. - J. #Parenting #EmotionalGrowth #Anger #Reactivity #Fatherhood

Jason Lewis

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Friday 31 July 2026 13:54:25 GMT