cristal :
im trying to get right with god still but its still stuff i need to get past, i get really scared and im trying to know like god is with me and i know that but i still get scared, and lust when i was younger alot of kids were really lustfull and it rubbed off on me and now i cant stop, im really lazy and feel hardly any motivation, i also feel scared for some reason of like god coming back like i dont know if im on the right path to getting right with god, like i dont know if i need to do anything or if im doing enough, i dont really pray like that and never read the bible but in my heart i know god is real but i have doubts here and there and i wanna stop because i know gods real and a part of me is scared to go to hell, i know gods real because i have had plenty encounters with him, like when i wanted to end it i asked out loud something like give me a sign if i shouldnt do this, my lights flickered and i still tried, i got prevented from going places to later see something bad happened there, it happened twice probably more that i just cant remember, since im still on the path of getting right with god im trying hard to stop bad mouthing people and once i started bad mouthing and i choked on my gum and i have a feeling that was gods since he knows i dont wanna bad mouth anymore, im trying to stop cussing too but its just such a daliy thing i feel incomplete or not myself without doing it, i think about god and how i shouldn't cuss before cussing and i still do it willingly and i genuinely wanna stop, i hardly comment but this something i really wanna get help with, also i have a bad temper and almost everything gets me annoyed or mad and most of the time it ends up in arguments. ive also dated a girl and im a girl and she was a stud i do feel feelings to studs kinda because their like tomboy, i dont feel feelings for girls who appear as girls and i dont really know how to change that i really genuinely need help, i have hard times finding beauty in myself and yes i know god made my face but i feel like i have to do so much to feel pretty, i also have a rocky relationship with my mom, i het bad anxiety and overthink alot lot, i get bad jealousy and judge
2026-08-04 12:58:32