leigh :
buti pa yung ibang tao, nababati ako sa every occasion or what, napaparamdam sa kanila na mahalaga sila. samantalang yung akin, binubugbog pa ako. ang sakit isipin na habang yung iba nakakatanggap ng love in ways they deserve, ako naman, natutong tanggapin yung bare minimum at pati pananakit, kasi mahal ko siya hahahahah
wala naman akong magawa kasi iniisip ko pa rin siya. suicidal siyang tao, and every time na gusto kong umalis, natatakot ako. lagi niya akong tinatakot, kaya kahit sobrang hirap na hirap na ako, pinili ko pa ring manatili. not because i enjoyed being treated that way, but because i was scared of what might happen if i left. i kept convincing myself na baka kailangan niya lang ako, na baka kaya ko pa siyang tulungan, na baka one day everything would get better.
ang masakit, habang unti-unti akong nauubos te, umaasa pa rin ako. umaasa akong darating yung araw na mare-realize niya lahat ng ginawa ko para sa kanya. i was there when he was at his lowest. i stayed when everyone else could've walked away. i kept choosing to understand him even when i was already hurting. i set aside my own feelings, my own needs, and even my own peace just to make sure he was okay.
pero habang ginagawa ko lahat ng 'yon, sino naman yung umintindi sa'kin? sino yung nagtanong kung okay pa ba ako? sino yung nag-effort na alagaan din ako habang inuubos ko yung sarili ko para sa kanya?
i know i deserve better. i've always known that. but love has a way of making you hold on to hope, even when you're already breaking. i kept believing that if i loved him enough, if i became more understanding, maybe one day he'd realize my worth and choose to love me the way i loved him.
but sometimes naman love isn't enough to change someone. and no matter how much you give, you can't save someone who's not ready to change hahahahhaa shaket, masyado na akong nag ssuffer auq na. but i don't regret loving him, because everything i did came from a genuine place. what i regret is forgetting that i deserved the same love, care, and understanding that i was so willing to give.
2026-08-01 03:12:33