feps • Lovers :
god the absolute hopelessness he must've felt, doesn't matter if we go with the csa allegory or general canon, he watched his brother taking care of him, shouldering all that weight, and still be afraid of their father to the point of absolute obedience. dean locks down when john is there, he's an empty shell in contrast to the bright smiling kid that takes care of him.
sam watched so often from the sidelines as 'the protected' how his father drilled all those rules into his brother. his brother who's so soft and full of love. he realized how he could rebell, and sit around, and learn however much he wants, while his brother had to juggle hunting, protecting them, taking care of him, and keeping the peace in his family.
he felt that righteous anger that he didn't just deserve a normal childhood, but that dean deserved a childhood period.
god.
oh they make me sick.
and if we now think about the guilt sam must've felt when he realized what else dean had to endure to keep him safe. not just throwing out his childhood to train, to fight off real-life monsters, but also to hide him from the monster they call a father.
2026-08-01 23:56:40