@raquelmartinphd: Your family of origin is who you were born into. Your family of choice is who helps you become who you’re meant to be. Building a family of choice doesn’t happen by accident, you have to put the effort in. If building a community is a goal of yours here’s some things to try: • Pay attention to how your body feels after spending time with someone. I call this emotional residue. We may physically leave people but our bodies definitely still hold onto how they made us feel. Do you leave feeling lighter, safer, and more yourself, or drained, judged, or like you’re performing? • Stop chasing consistency from inconsistent people. Invest more energy in the relationships that are already reciprocal because relationships are supposed to be give and take. Everything is data. So pay attention. • Practice small acts of vulnerability. Share something real and notice who responds with curiosity instead of criticism. You have to build trust over time. And it’s understandable that this can be scary. But it’s necessary, so start small. • Be the kind of friend you’re looking for. Healthy relationships are built through mutual care, accountability, and repair. Not everyone who shares your DNA is your home. Sometimes the family you deserve is the one you build, one safe relationship at a time. No one is owed a relationship with you.

RaquelMartinPhD
RaquelMartinPhD
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Wednesday 05 August 2026 15:48:08 GMT
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dontask_bb
Brittney | Don’t Ask B :
Or taken advantage of – because folks feel entitled to your resources
2026-08-05 18:33:47
25
kwiet_sc0rpi0
Kwiet_Sc0rpi0 :
damnit this keeps coming up on my fyp 😩. lawd is someone sending me a sign?
2026-08-06 02:07:15
0
imnotorigin8
the High Priestess :
thank you Dr Martin ☺️my nervous system needed this
2026-08-06 06:09:53
0
stacyfiercepierce
Stacy Pierce :
ALL of this!!!!!!
2026-08-06 03:58:37
0
elisatktk
Elisa 🇵🇸 Free Palestine 🇵🇸 :
I ended up having 4 children. One of them disabled, but the other 3 are… normal isn’t a good word, but I raised them in such a way that they would always know I love them & would always be able to come to me if they ever had a problem & could always feel free to be themselves. Whatever that is. While maintaining boundaries & responsibilities. I feel like I created that beautiful family. My children will always have that & I would always have that too. Even my disabled son enjoys everyone’s company, we have really great get togethers. Sometimes you do have to create it yourself. Then the other parts of the family becomes a little easier to tolerate in small doses.😅
2026-08-06 08:11:55
0
sweetnononsense
Sweet No Nonsense :
Oh my goodness, thank you!
2026-08-06 01:00:46
0
shesolovely42
She'sSoLovely42 :
Thank you for this
2026-08-05 20:29:52
0
mississippihoodoo
MississippiHoodoo :
Here i was tryna mind my business and here u go addressing me directly🫠
2026-08-05 20:58:26
10
markconway13
Mark Conway79 :
The next challenge is to hold the space open & identify the emotionally healthy people who deserve to be a part of your chosen family. There are so many well meaning good people out there that lack the emotional maturity to show up healthily in close meaningful relationships. Another tough lesson to learn.
2026-08-05 19:24:53
6
ta4klub
4K.T.A. :
Crazy. I realized that I was grieving the parents I never had. That’s been a pill to swallow.
2026-08-05 22:32:24
5
kdotq324
Kristin :
Thank you for saying the “quiet part”!! 💕 the confirmation I needed today
2026-08-05 17:15:42
2
ashleeeats
Ashleé :
You preachin today
2026-08-05 20:59:15
1
babbettedeleoncoeur
Babbette de Leon Coeur :
Thank you Dr. 🙏🏽
2026-08-05 23:30:31
0
spilling_the_sweet_tea
Spilling_the_Sweet_Tea| Foodie :
So true
2026-08-06 01:29:58
0
estabroderick916
FurTribeMoma :
just like blaming the victim!? how?! I was born to abusers. I have built families that I've had to flee every single time for my own safety. so you tell me how am I supposed to build something that my brain and nervous system has no idea how to experience????? 🔥
2026-08-06 12:03:08
0
pharmicon
Brian 😎 :
amen
2026-08-05 20:52:47
0
t_raysings
T-Ray Sings :
OMG 😭 yes ❤️
2026-08-05 16:14:04
0
indielush15
𝓔 :
Thank you 💛
2026-08-06 15:37:07
0
numinaluna
NuminaLuna :
I'm not Catholic anymore. I don't need blood to celebrate my holidays. 💕
2026-08-06 19:08:18
0
samthebookdog
Sam_The_Book_Dog 🆘️🇺🇸 #ffab :
My brother. . . I called him and told him I was going to file a police report against my ex boyfriend who assaulted me. He told me that he was pretty sure there were support groups for things like that. I should Google it. Years later he deleted me off social media, because he saw me post about chosen family and "You should be able to say it, but I shouldn't have to see it," because it was apparently upsetting to see because I was offering emotional support to other people, but I was not pursuing him to give the same emotional support. Thanks for the reminder.
2026-08-06 18:16:45
0
missihippiedeluxe
Raq⭐ :
🧜🏾‍♀️🌿🌎
2026-08-05 21:35:21
0
yolandawearing
yolandawearing :
💯💯💯
2026-08-05 20:22:44
0
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