Ann :
I’m assuming the son-in-law knew his wife’s feelings about her mom. And as you said “buckle up”, because It is SO hard as a parent. I have a 20 yr old. The day he turned 18, I no longer had rights to his medical info. I was helping him get his records to get into the Army, and it was frustrating because I couldn’t get anything without his consent, and he wanted my help. I took a child development class in HS and I’ll never forget when the teacher stated: “you should have children because of what you can do for them, not because of what they can do for you”. It’s always stuck with me. I chose to have 3. I am giving them the best childhood I can manage. I also remember this: you will have a relationship with your child for more years when they’re an adult, than the 18 years you spent raising them”. (Not a direct quote). That blew my mind because I had never thought of it that way. So, fellow parents, think about that. Raise your children keeping in mind what type of relationship you want with them when they’re grown. And by grown, I mean the day they turn 18, because on that day, they can choose to not have you in their life. My oldest is 20 and in the Army, he doesn’t “need” me. He has a paid job, he has housing, he has medical. The only thing he needs me for is emotional support and love, and that is by his choice. My middle is about to be a senior in HS. He will turn 18 in Nov. it’s strange because he’ll still be in HS, but I won’t be allowed to have access to his medical. He plans to go to college and we plan to pay for it. So, he will “need” us, but even so, I plan to respect him as an adult, and I’d never hold paying for his college over his head, that is a choice his dad and I are making. I’m sorry to this mom, I know it’s very painful. But I think your advice was solid. Hopefully she can have a good relationship with her other children.
2026-08-07 13:35:44