ghost :
Sometimes I think I'm a burden to people, as if at some point everyone is going to get tired of me, as if the way I am is too much for others. I find myself thinking about every conversation, every moment, every thing I said, wondering if maybe I talked too much, if I bothered someone, if I did something that made someone walk away. Sometimes I feel like I try to give my best, to be there, to listen, to support, to make people laugh, but I still end up wondering if anyone actually enjoys my company or just puts up with me out of obligation.
It's hard for me to understand why some people arrive, stay for a while, and then change. My mind starts looking for answers and almost always ends up pointing the finger at me. I think that maybe I'm boring, that maybe I'm exhausting, that maybe the way I care about people is too much. Sometimes I'm afraid to show who I really am because I feel like if someone gets to know me too well, they might find reasons to leave.
There are moments when I see others with their friendships and I wonder why it seems so easy for them to keep people close. I wonder what they have that I don't. I wonder if I'm doing something wrong without realizing it. And even though I try not to think like that, there are days when that idea weighs heavier than usual.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the person who is there for others when they need it, but when I need something, I feel like there's no one. And that makes me think a lot of things. It makes me wonder if I'm worth as much to others as they are to me.
But I also know that maybe my head exaggerates a lot of things. That not every departure means someone hates me or that I've failed. Even so, those thoughts appear and it's hard to turn them off. I just wish I could stop feeling like I have to earn a place in people's lives, as if my existence has to be a constant test for someone to decide to stay.
2026-10-10 03:49:26