civenn :
I think for the longest time, I was in denial. I kept telling myself that I was okay, that I had already moved on, that what we had didn’t affect me anymore. but deep down, I knew there was still a part of me holding on. I just didn’t want to admit it before. you were my first love, and that’s something that will always mean a lot to me. you were the first person who made me feel that kind of happiness, the kind that felt real and safe and exciting all at once. for a long time, I thought I would never be able to move past that, like a part of me would always be stuck back then. but lately, things have been getting better. not all at once, not in some big dramatic way, but slowly, quietly. I started noticing that the pain isn’t as heavy anymore. it doesn’t hit the same. even when we talk, it doesn’t sting like it used to. there’s no more tight feeling in my chest, no more overthinking every message, no more wondering what everything means. it feels normal now, and I never thought I would reach that point. I used to think that moving on meant completely forgetting you, like I had to erase everything just to prove that I was okay. but I realized that’s not how it works. moving on is remembering without hurting, being able to look back without wishing to go back. and I think I’m finally learning how to do that. there will always be a part of me that cared about you, and I don’t think that will ever fully disappear. but it’s different now. it’s not the kind of love that waits or hopes or holds on. it’s quieter, softer, more like appreciation for what we had and what it taught me. I’m starting to focus more on myself now. I’m learning how to be okay on my own, how to enjoy things without attaching them to memories of you. I’m growing in ways I didn’t expect, and for once, I’m not scared of moving forward. I won’t lie and say everything is perfect, because healing doesn’t work like that. there are still moments when I remember, when I think about what could’ve been. but those thoughts don’t break me anymore. they just pass, and I let them. maybe we really just weren’t meant to last, and I’m slowly learning to accept that without questioning it too.
2026-08-13 16:34:50