Codependency Kate
Region: US
Friday 14 August 2026 19:21:18 GMT
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miss 🦇 alchemist :
I JUST came to the conclusion at almost 40 that I put more consideration and empathy towards their hard childhoods (that had fuck all to do with me) than they've ever given empathy/ taken responsibility for the things THEY did to shape my childhood
2026-08-14 21:00:45
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KatieL :
Its our parents who need to hold THEIR parents accountable that is the problem. They wont hold themselves accountable because they havent faced their own childhoods.
2026-08-14 20:30:06
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Mim :
intent is immaterial to impact because the impact is what the person on the receiving end is left with.
2026-08-14 21:36:49
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des :
there is a quote from the show Bojack Horseman that I think about a lot- "do you think I'm a good person, deep down?" "That's the thing. I don't think I believe in deep down. I kinda think that all you are is just the things that you do."
2026-08-15 17:17:47
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Miss Millennial :
I’ve been thinking alot about this these days. When I focus inward to figure out what’s going on I’ve noticed I literally start feeling defensive on their behalf as if it was myself. I grew up feeling chronically misunderstood and forced to accept explanations for my actions that didn’t reflect my own feelings. I’ve come to realize I constantly want to over empathize with people because my inner self is desperate for that same courtesy. It’s like I mistakenly think if I model the way or put out into the world what I want it will be reciprocated/ given back to me - despite that never being the case. It’s definitely more complex than I initially believed about myself.
2026-08-14 21:50:42
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boo_thoughts :
The most immediate and noticeable improvement to my mental health came the day I realized I assumed lack of intent and positive awareness from my mom that I had zero actual evidence of. I actually love people so much more now that I actually accept their limitations as reality.
2026-08-14 19:29:32
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Bad Omen 🐈⬛ :
This is very difficult to do for yourself when you may empathise with them and feel sorry for their trauma. Then the question of whether they meant what they did keeps repeating in a loop. 💔
2026-08-14 19:26:46
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Iamjenniferann :
literally said all of this to my mom. All she had to say was “well I don’t know what you want me to say then” and “I’m not a therapist.” Like I want you to own your actions and make the effort to change your behaviour 😒
2026-08-14 21:29:49
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Kat 🐙 :
Literally what I’m dealing with in therapy
2026-08-14 19:49:28
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Lydia :
yup a phrase that really helped me is; kids don’t experience your feelings of love they experience how you show up every day.
2026-08-15 01:56:20
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Kindahuman :
if I punch you in the face because I carelessly turned around too fast while swinging my arms, does it hurt any less just because I didn't mean to absolutely dislocate your entire freaking jaw? or is the damage exactly the same as if I did it intentionally.
2026-08-15 17:52:24
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💜💜 :
Every last fascet of my brain tries to say “well, he did this good thing” or “well, this thing happened in his past so maybe that’s why he’s like that” or “well he probably didn’t mean to, he did the best he could in his situation” (even though I know I deserved better and yet I have this weird dissonance that I can’t let myself accept how bad it was/is because I was always holding out hope I’d be loved)
2026-08-14 20:33:20
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therealmissmackie :
I wish ONE of my therapists would have said this
2026-08-14 21:48:14
4
Cristina 💙 :
Mercy. I needed to hear this today. I can’t believe I still struggle with this at 64!
2026-08-14 19:54:57
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✨🦂Natural Born Muse🌹✨ :
Maturing is realizing the harm is the same regardless of intent.
2026-08-15 16:53:54
3
JugglerPhilosophy :
it's been so hard to untangle, because they taught me I am responsible for thier thoughts and feelings and I am a horrible person /crazy / stupid if I don't do what they say. Breaking through this wall was literal hell. I might be coming out the other side, but it's sneaky and comes back randomly.
2026-08-15 11:58:39
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HonorAndProfit :
Plus, even if you want to go with "Did they mean to" you still need to acknowledge the pattern after the harm occurs enough times. At some point, it doesn't matter if it wasn't their intention because the pattern never changed.
2026-08-15 02:38:28
4
nix :
"intention is irrelevant" thank you! my mother often says "I didn't mean to" or "I did my best" as if that means anything at all. whether you meant to or not, the damage was done all the same.
2026-08-15 16:11:06
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Jennifer :
intention does belong in the equation. its just not the main focus.
2026-08-16 13:47:46
1
🦈wrenneth paltrow🧚🏻♂️ :
this actually…is the reason i’m cutting them off. i did therapy i did family therapy i was calm i explained my stance they said they’d change and i needed them i needed my mom and dad and they let me down again. but im 25 now so im just done. i dont care what their intentions were, i have told them it hurt and they have still not said sorry
2026-08-15 13:02:35
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YoseMom :
And if the answer is yes, they are willing to change (and have already been working on changing)?
2026-08-14 22:34:51
1
Adam AstroMedYogi Sánchez :
dayuuum. facts. 🔥
2026-08-15 14:43:01
1
Lucy Lou :
wpw. I really needed to hear this
2026-08-15 00:51:02
1
complete_buffoon :
This helps a lot! Thank you!
2026-08-14 19:36:18
3
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