Annishiel :
If I've learned anything, it is that possibility may deserve hope, but it doesn't always deserve waiting. To stay & romanticise a possibility when the relationship itself remains dependent on reputation, status, or the approval of the people surrounding it already feels like a shaky foundation to build upon. I respect them, and I respect everyone involved, but that is the kind of relationship that struggles to move unless it is first validated externally by other people, by social expectations, or by whatever is considered acceptable within the surrounding norm. I won't dim myself to fit into the norm for the sake of peace cloaked in chaos. I would rather be difficult to love for others, than live as someone else. I cannot be in partnership with someone whose relationship system operates that way. And beyond that, history has played a big part. Too much damage has already been done for trust to simply return because the possibility of something better exists. I handed them multiple knives in vulnerability, believing they would be held with care. Instead, those knives were willingly handed to multiple people, who then threw them back at me all at once. It hurt so deeply that there were moments when I genuinely didn't know how I survived. My faith saved me. So I can forgive. I can give grace. I can respect what was, what made them do what they did in scientific perspective, acknowledge whatever love existed, and sincerely wish everyone well. But forgiveness doesn't require renewed access. Grace doesn't require reconciliation. And hope for someone's growth doesn't require me to remain available for the possibility of who they might someday become. I know they would, I believe in that, and I would be genuinely happy for them. Because those were one of my prayers for them, regardless of everything. But nothing more is required from me. I'm good. I'm moving forward. I deserve more in life. And I can give that to myself. I always do. And that's okay.
2026-08-16 10:45:10