@johndelony: If you don't have a ton of compassion for how your spouse is grieving, you will end up a million miles apart. I grieved one way. She grieved another way. We didn't have tools to talk about what grief looked like. What I've learned to do is regret some of the things I did and didn't do. And also I give old me a lot of grace, because I didn't know, and I do now. And now I can do it better this time. Delony