Codependency Kate
Region: US
Wednesday 19 August 2026 20:07:27 GMT
111151
6062
334
429
Music
Download
Comments
punkpeaches :
so there's actually already a term for this and it's called enmeshment
2026-08-20 10:56:32
23
yourbuddiesfriendboi :
Yes, AND...Sexism/Mysogyny is involved, in my opinion, but not in the way that people commonly assert. I think it boils down to women so often inextricably intertwining their entire sense of identity/worth/purpose/value with being needed by someone else - and mothering is obviously is the paramount way to experience that. And because men inherently function on the labor of women (even if they don't notice), son's still are the catalyst for their mother's purpose/identity holding (to be needed) until that shifts to a romantic partner. Not to suggest that men CAN'T function without their mother's before getting a partner, but they don't typically chose to. Even those who do healthily lead their own lives in an independent way, usually will continue the charade their mother needs them to - that she is needed by him. Once a DIL shifts into the picture, the MIL is facing something much bigger in her nervous system than just competition or power tripping... but is facing what feels to them like an existential threat. If another woman now can fill the son's "need labor" role... that is the moment the MIL's entire identity and purpose and understanding of self is threatened. What is funny is that they often werent really "needed" in this role for quite a while - but werent being ousted from it. And despite the fact that the incoming DIL often doesn't want to fill the specific role/the son doesn't expect the wife to etc.... the MIL who thinks this way will ASSUME (mysogyny) that the DIL intends to fill that role because she is the woman. Thus, the entrance of the DIL becomes war because there is one role to be filled and if the DIL can do it... then the MIL ceases to exist as a self - because they've built no self that can be extricated from this role. Doesn’t make it ok but I do believe it is a large part of this. Obviously there is internalized mysogny in that as well as a level of narcissistic childism - the idea that the son needs that role to be served by someone as an adult man, and isn't self capable. I think this layout I am describing, I see most clearly with MIL's who did not work at all while raising children
2026-09-05 19:01:28
0
The BBitch :
If it’s not sexism, then why doesn’t it happen to sons in law by the wife’s family? There’s no trend of wife’s parents hating sons in law?
2026-08-19 22:21:24
645
LumenLorePro :
A lot of MIL create a enmeshed dynamic with their sons and use them for pseudo romantic partners. Not saying there is any physical or sexual attraction- but they put their boys into the role of partner. And control things so they can not be rejected.
2026-08-20 00:54:32
220
bwnopu :
My MIL seemed to like me very much as long as I was behaving the way she wanted. When I had our son, everything changed
2026-08-19 23:00:21
63
✪✪✪✪✪ :
Yes! I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years and his parents have literally never asked me a question my life in the numerous times I’ve seen/stayed with them but they loooove to pretend that their son is still their child son every time we’re around and treat me like I’m invited but definitely not included
2026-08-19 21:00:45
247
SolaceSoulless :
Oedipus complex. Mom wants her son to be her partner, created him in her image. DIL gets in the way of the fantasy
2026-08-19 22:34:01
214
Alex :
It’s enmeshment with the sons and can’t let them go as children
2026-08-20 01:32:29
113
Aila :
I can totally dig what you're saying with the childisim and yeah probably some of them that is what it is unfortunately though I think most of them it's more like the Freud theory reverse..... I think a lot of them view their sons as a younger more attractive version of their father that they got to mold into more of the type of man that they wanted. and they get jealous.
2026-08-21 01:28:45
3
Hailley :
Ironically my mom is SO NICE and supportive to her daughter in law, but mean to me, her biological daughter.
2026-08-20 00:19:43
62
m3rc3rrr :
I’m no therapist but I’m a DIL and also a mother of a little boy. I feel it has a lot to do with seeing the end of the family unit you created. Adult Mom/Daughter relationships look a lot different than adult Mom/Son relationships. And it’s natural, but hard to go through. Moms of sons are grieving in a way.
2026-08-20 00:58:23
14
Kiana💋 :
It’s thinking respect looks like control so because they can’t control son it has to be the other person. If they understood care is respect, they’d care for themselves by caring for their son by caring for someone he is actively choosing. Love is care, not control…
2026-08-20 00:37:36
30
Kitty Rex :
I’ve been with my husband since 1997 (we were in HS), and my in-laws ABSOLUTELY still treat me like a child. Especially the father in law. I’m 44yo, and I’m as successful as they have ever been in their 72yrs. We visited over 4th of July. FIL was overheated bc he had been out in the sun. The rest of us (7 other adults) were at the house, completely comfortable with the windows open. When I suggested that FIL maybe take a dip in the pool (which is kept extra cold - just for him) instead of cranking the AC he responded with “excuse me, YOUNG LADY, but this is MY house” It was so dumb and it’s the dynamic all the time
2026-08-19 22:25:19
44
Fabric & Form 5 :
it's also viewing her child as her property and she doesn't want to give up ownership to the daughter-in-law
2026-08-19 22:58:40
49
StephHealingJourney :
It's also that the DIL can see things clearly about the son/mother relationship and the MIL cannot be the most powerful influence her sons life anymore. She wants a man-child. DIL wants a husband and spouse. Opposite needs. Son needs to decide if he wants to grow up or stay small.
2026-08-19 21:48:23
86
Imogen Keeper Author 🇺🇸 :
I think it’s just power. My mother in law had no problem until I had a baby, but once I did and I suddenly had the power to make choices and the world didn’t revolve around her, she hated me. Until I had a baby, we all deferred to her, but in human groups, you defer to the woman with the youngest baby or the responsibility for the person with the greatest needs. Once my sister in law had a baby, it shifted, then I had another, then she had another, and now the two of us make choices based on what our families need. Mother in law cannot stand it. It’s power.
2026-08-20 01:09:21
16
Nan Hawkins :
😞Nah, these women see their sons as their sonsbands ...and its weird!
2026-08-20 04:02:19
13
jordan ugalde :
so super controlling and entitled aka a narcissist
2026-08-19 23:12:00
31
Cristina 💙 :
💯 The mother doesn’t trust her son to make the right choices for him (childism) and that extends to his partner (also childism). It’s all grounded in superiority and lack of trust in her grown kids.
2026-08-20 01:08:02
22
ESM :
Looking back with my mother-in-law, I think she covertly hates me but masks it as welcoming and playing it cool. I also remember there were moments she was passive-aggressive and patronizing. Most of all, I never developed a close relationship with my two brothers-in-law. We're casual, and there's minimal interaction during reunions. It felt like there was already an unspoken judgment from them, which is why they're guarded. In short, it felt like we've been triangulated, and I also have situations to support that.
2026-08-19 22:25:16
29
Rowe :
Ehh it’s because the mom is emotionally enmeshed & in love with her son like she should be with her partner. So she’s jealous of his girlfriend/wife because she wants it to be her
2026-08-19 23:58:24
9
Rieni :
It's a defence mechanism inside generational trauma that mostly the boomer generation tries to protect. It's mostly in families with narcissistic dynamics. All new comers are a threath to that. It isn't this big complicated thing. You either get with their program and take on a certain role or they will actively do their best to work you out of that family.
2026-08-20 07:09:20
15
Spencer Sunshine :
They infantilize their own adult child, and the hate of their spouse is a projection of childism onto the new adult who is not acclimated to this particular parent's childism the way their own child is. Thats what I picked up between the lines of what you were saying. Id love to hear your thoughts.
2026-08-20 02:44:29
13
gina :
No, those same women treat their daughters like crap and don't care who she marries.
2026-08-19 23:26:53
5
To see more videos from user @codependencykate, please go to the Tikwm
homepage.
