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I think one of the biggest mistakes people make when choosing someone for marriage is asking themselves: “Do I enjoy being with this person?” Of course that matters. But there’s a much bigger question. Who will this person become when life gets difficult? Because marriage isn’t just holidays, restaurants, laughing together and having someone to come home to. Eventually life will test both of you. There will be financial problems. Illness. Family problems. Loss. Stress. Children. Days where one of you has absolutely nothing left to give. And sometimes years where life looks nothing like what either of you imagined when you got married. That’s when you realise you didn’t just need someone you could have fun with. You needed someone you could go through life with. Someone who doesn’t make your difficult seasons even more difficult. Someone who can see you at your lowest and still treat you with dignity. Someone who reminds you of Allah when you’re losing perspective. Someone who understands that marriage isn’t always going to be 50/50. Sometimes it’s 80/20. Sometimes it’s 100/0 because the person you love genuinely has nothing left. And you carry them. Knowing that one day you might need them to carry you. That’s the part of marriage nobody really puts on Instagram. But I genuinely think that’s where the most beautiful marriages are built. Don’t just ask yourself whether someone will make a good companion when life is going well. Ask yourself whether this is the person you want standing beside you when everything goes wrong. Because attraction might make you choose someone. But character is what will make you grateful you chose them years later.
I think one of the biggest mistakes people make when choosing someone for marriage is asking themselves: “Do I enjoy being with this person?” Of course that matters. But there’s a much bigger question. Who will this person become when life gets difficult? Because marriage isn’t just holidays, restaurants, laughing together and having someone to come home to. Eventually life will test both of you. There will be financial problems. Illness. Family problems. Loss. Stress. Children. Days where one of you has absolutely nothing left to give. And sometimes years where life looks nothing like what either of you imagined when you got married. That’s when you realise you didn’t just need someone you could have fun with. You needed someone you could go through life with. Someone who doesn’t make your difficult seasons even more difficult. Someone who can see you at your lowest and still treat you with dignity. Someone who reminds you of Allah when you’re losing perspective. Someone who understands that marriage isn’t always going to be 50/50. Sometimes it’s 80/20. Sometimes it’s 100/0 because the person you love genuinely has nothing left. And you carry them. Knowing that one day you might need them to carry you. That’s the part of marriage nobody really puts on Instagram. But I genuinely think that’s where the most beautiful marriages are built. Don’t just ask yourself whether someone will make a good companion when life is going well. Ask yourself whether this is the person you want standing beside you when everything goes wrong. Because attraction might make you choose someone. But character is what will make you grateful you chose them years later.

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