@beewestwood: I know people are only trying to help, it's so hard to know what to say to someone who's grieving, but that question just actually pisses me off. It puts the onus on me to describe my own private hell. How do you think I am Sheila? (Apologies to any Sheilas it was the first name to enter my head). I could just say "I'm fine thanks" but A I'm not, B it would feel like a betrayal to my mum if I say that I'm ok & C I couldn't possibly tell you how I am because it's visceral, changeable, monstrous, wretched. We don't have time for me to explain all that, and the pressure of even trying is too much. So I either change the subject or if it's a message I often don't respond. Having said that I've had some really perfect & poignant contact with people this past month which I'll talk more on later. But most of the time just a " I know you're not ok but I'm here", "I won't ask how you are just checking in", or a simple emoji has given me such comfort. With no pressure to reply. Your messages have really helped me. Some can't understand but want to offer support, some have lost a parent, some have lost both, you might be like me the eldest child who is shouldering so much, & some truly get IT. Being a child-free, only daughter losing a mother. That's a different experience in itself. Everybody's grief is unique, some you can relate to more than others. To those of you who have lost children I can't tell you how sorry l am Most of you have pretty much said the same things: One day at a time Be kind to yourself It will get easier It did before with my dad. But I also know that you can have days where the loss is as great as the day they left. Even 20 years later. So the shit show continues...stay tuned #grief #griefjourney #griefandloss #mum

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Saturday 22 August 2026 09:59:04 GMT