:
It honestly feels unfair... because you were the first to enter my life. I wasn't the one who looked for you, I didn't look for you - you were the one who initiated, you were the one who first made me feel something, that everything had meaning. You made it feel real, like he wasn't just temporary. I wasn't even searching for anyone, but somehow, you became a part of my everyday life.
As time went by, I got used to you - in your presence, in the way you talked, in how you treated me. You made me feel seen, like I actually mattered, that I was the one you wanted, that I was the one you would choose. But now, I can't help but think... maybe you didn't really love me, maybe you just loved how I made you feel. My care, my stay, my understanding of you. But when it came to actually choosing me, to standing firm with what we had - you couldn't do it. You weren't sure, you weren't consistent.
I am not numb. I noticed everything. I notice the small changes - the ones you walk away from, the ones you are inconsistent with, the moments when you feel like you are gone. I can clearly see who is more comfortable, who cares more, and who is more afraid of losing the other.
I also know that you only talk to me when you want to - when you feel okay, when you're happy, when it's convenient for you. But did you ever realize that I can understand you no matter what you're going through? Even at your lowest, I was willing to be there, to make you feel that you are not alone. I was ready to stay - not just on your good days, but even on the worst ones.
I feel when your treatment changes. I know when you're no longer sure. Even if you don't say anything, I already understand what's happening to us. I'm not stupid - I just chose to stay, even though I already know the truth.
And the truth is... even though I can see everything clearly, I still choose to stay - even though I feel that little by little, everything is becoming one-sided.
2026-08-24 14:19:39