key :
I do this with every room I’m a constant in, it’s always the same, if I don’t speak up, greet, show joy, I’m not spoken to or acknowledged. I don’t know if it’s my face, how tall I am and my demeanor, or my inability to connect, it started young, I don’t know it as fact but in my soul I can tell that when I was born my parents weren’t attentive, that only grew until it was me asking why one parent left and the other moved on without looking at me. This grew into using any measure to achieve their attention or love, whichever came first. As a late teen it was something must be wrong with me, I’m unlovable and unable to change, my early 20s it was fck everyone I’ll love myself until I’m whole, now I’m 6 months away from 25 and I still test the room. But now the silence is met with the occasional hello or greeting for someone who’ve I’ve touched, because by loving myself through the ugly and the lack of parental love, the worst parts of myself and pouring that into what I love about life, I was able to share that with those who relate. The room is still quiet but there are whispers. Please everyone it’s so hard but never stop survive. “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering”
2026-08-25 17:56:23