@narcissisticpartners: Hi, it's Juliana! “How is this abusive?” Imagine we're in a relationship and I'm angry with you. If I say something like: “I'm angry about what happened earlier. I don't want to talk right now. Give me a couple hours and we'll talk later tonight.” You may not like that. You might still feel uncomfortable. You might want answers. But you know three things: Something is wrong. Roughly what it's about. We're going to address it. But if I: – Barely acknowledge you. – Stop responding normally. – Act like something is obviously wrong but refuse to tell you what. You don't get any of those things. So you know there's a problem, but I've denied you access to what the problem is. What's the big deal? Your brain hates unresolved uncertainty, especially when it involves an important relationship. So naturally you start searching. “Did I do something?” No answer. “Are you mad at me?” No. “Can we talk about this?” Leave me alone. When I leave you with no options like this, eventually the search moves inside: – What did I do today? – Was it that comment I made? – Should I apologize? – Maybe I shouldn't have done that. – How do I get them back to normal? And when this happens over and over again, you start becoming hyperaware of their moods. A slightly different tone: “What's wrong?” They close a cabinet harder than usual: “Did I do something?” They're unusually quiet: “Are you mad at me?” And eventually you may even start modifying your behavior before they've even withdrawn because you don't want to experience that uncertainty again. – “Maybe I shouldn't bring this up.” – “Maybe I'll just agree.” – “Maybe I should apologize.” – “Maybe I'll do what they want.” And THAT is what can make the silent treatment abusive. It isn't the silence. It's the way the silence conditions you to change your behavior. If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me. My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us. To your healing, Juliana ❤️‍🩹

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Wednesday 26 August 2026 04:52:51 GMT