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Thursday 27 August 2026 13:02:03 GMT
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It’s SOOO common for siblings to walk away from the same house with completely different experiences. Vanessa, I know in your letter you kind of seem confused by how your sister portrays it. And I want to say, because this comes up a lot in family therapy where there’s estrangement, you don’t have to understand her experience to respect it.  It’s subjective and it’s hers.  More often than not, siblings defending their subjective experience can sometimes come across like they are minimizing the estranged sibling’s experience, and that can push them away. I’m not saying you ever did that, but it’s common enough for me to mention, just to ensure that’s not one of the reasons for her distance. Also, what I see is that often the distance the estranged sibling keeps with the whole family isn’t about the sibling themselves. It’s about their own mental health, and it’s too challenging for them to stay above water and heal while staying in contact with a sibling who is still standing in the middle of the family they walked away from. I say that because it feels very personal, but it’s not about the sibling left behind. It’s about the one who walked away. Lastly, I know you want to hang on so there can be a relationship between her and your kids. Depending on where she’s at with her healing, she might feel the pressure in that, even if you don’t mention it, because it’s all over your letter, and that can also unintentionally push her away. That’s why having your reach-outs be more open door, no strings, no pressure, I’m always here, could also help her feel more comfortable getting closer. This is a very sad, unfortunate situation. I’m so sorry, Vanessa, and in no way am I saying you’re doing anything wrong. I’m simply trying to come up with reasons as to why she might be staying back from you to, A, help you not take it personally so you suffer less, and B, potentially give her room to maybe come back in time. The last thing I will say, having worked with many estranged family members at this point, is that it’s also a very heavy, lonely experience for your sister.  This isn’t a walk in the park, and the people I’ve worked with don’t come to this decision lightly.  Usually, they go to therapy, try to work through their stuff on their own, and turn over every possible rock before eventually deciding no-contact might be their only option left. My heart breaks for you, and I truly hope this helps.  For grief work, I do recommend inviting a licensed therapist to walk alongside you through it. Take care, and thanks for writing in. 💛 Psa - this story was shared for educational and reflective purposes only. Not meant to replace advice from licensed professionals. #storytime #estranged #nocontact #sisters #familyestrangement
It’s SOOO common for siblings to walk away from the same house with completely different experiences. Vanessa, I know in your letter you kind of seem confused by how your sister portrays it. And I want to say, because this comes up a lot in family therapy where there’s estrangement, you don’t have to understand her experience to respect it. It’s subjective and it’s hers. More often than not, siblings defending their subjective experience can sometimes come across like they are minimizing the estranged sibling’s experience, and that can push them away. I’m not saying you ever did that, but it’s common enough for me to mention, just to ensure that’s not one of the reasons for her distance. Also, what I see is that often the distance the estranged sibling keeps with the whole family isn’t about the sibling themselves. It’s about their own mental health, and it’s too challenging for them to stay above water and heal while staying in contact with a sibling who is still standing in the middle of the family they walked away from. I say that because it feels very personal, but it’s not about the sibling left behind. It’s about the one who walked away. Lastly, I know you want to hang on so there can be a relationship between her and your kids. Depending on where she’s at with her healing, she might feel the pressure in that, even if you don’t mention it, because it’s all over your letter, and that can also unintentionally push her away. That’s why having your reach-outs be more open door, no strings, no pressure, I’m always here, could also help her feel more comfortable getting closer. This is a very sad, unfortunate situation. I’m so sorry, Vanessa, and in no way am I saying you’re doing anything wrong. I’m simply trying to come up with reasons as to why she might be staying back from you to, A, help you not take it personally so you suffer less, and B, potentially give her room to maybe come back in time. The last thing I will say, having worked with many estranged family members at this point, is that it’s also a very heavy, lonely experience for your sister. This isn’t a walk in the park, and the people I’ve worked with don’t come to this decision lightly. Usually, they go to therapy, try to work through their stuff on their own, and turn over every possible rock before eventually deciding no-contact might be their only option left. My heart breaks for you, and I truly hope this helps. For grief work, I do recommend inviting a licensed therapist to walk alongside you through it. Take care, and thanks for writing in. 💛 Psa - this story was shared for educational and reflective purposes only. Not meant to replace advice from licensed professionals. #storytime #estranged #nocontact #sisters #familyestrangement

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