Nastić🇷🇸🕊 :
The more aware I am, the less happy I am. Whole world gets another perspective, you recognize patterns of traumas and disorders. Everything becomes logical and analytical. The girl you met, you can read what she feels, wants, besides of what she says. You see the wounds, you see how hard she tries to hide it and keep going with her life. People become much more simple and predictable, it's like there are 20-30 types of personalities and when you define them, it feels so easy to find out which category they belong to. It also applies to you too. You see your own patterns. You repeat your life on a daily basis for at least 80%. Fighting against the patterns that you consider as bad, but at the end of the day, you repeat 80% of your last day anyways. You somehow feel like a cheater and manipulator, it becomes so easy to see what other person wants, what the other person needs, what he values and respects and what are the deal breakers. Using that "thing" feels so empty, lifeless, cruel. Nothing feels random anymore, things cant surprise you, make you happy..Curiosity is as huge a problem as it is useful for solving problems. Once you know some things, there's no way back. The moment you realise that love is just a chemical reaction just for you to reproduce, and there is actually nothing special in it, it kinda destroys love life and fun in it. I don't know, I wish I was less curious about a lot of things.
2026-08-30 08:17:11