@llfocus: — It's funny, actually. — What is. — How fast a body can be retrained. I used to think that stuff was permanent. Flinching, bracing, all of it. I thought it was written in somewhere too deep to overwrite, and then it just wasn't, and I don't fully understand how that happened. — What used to happen. — I used to pull away from almost anything. A hand on my shoulder, an arm brushing mine, even something as small as someone standing too close while talking. It wasn't a decision. My body just did it before I could stop it, like it had been trained to expect something bad every time. — And now? — Now I catch myself doing the opposite. Leaning in instead of pulling back. Reaching for it before it's even offered. Like some part of me just quietly decided this particular person was safe, and rewired everything around that decision without asking my permission first. — That sounds like a good thing. — It should be. And some of the time it does feel good, it feels like relief, like something finally loosened after being clenched for so long I forgot it was clenched. But it also scares me a little, if I'm honest. — Why would it scare you. — Because if my body could be retaught that fast, that completely, in one direction, it means it can probably be retaught just as fast in the other one. If I flinched for years and unlearned it this quickly, what happens if this ends. Does it all snap back exactly where it started, or does it break into something even worse than before. — You're already grieving something that hasn't happened. — Maybe. I've just watched myself change shape once already because of one person, and it makes me aware of how little control I actually have over any of it. I didn't choose to flinch back then and I didn't really choose to stop now either. It just happened, quietly, underneath whatever I thought I was deciding. — So what do you do with that. — Nothing, really. I just keep reaching. Because right now, today, it feels like the safest thing I've felt in a long time, and I'd rather have this and risk the unlearning later than go back to flinching just to protect myself from a version of losing it that hasn't even happened yet. #щп #щитпост

werni🪽

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Saturday 29 August 2026 20:37:00 GMT