@philosophyminis: If we met at a party, it would take you less than a second to decide how to talk and behave with me. Are we friends? Are we rivals? Are we teammates? Are we lovers? In 1979, the psychologist James Gibson argued that whenever we approach anything in the world, we decide how it can affect us. And so he argued that when we first meet other people, we approach them in one of seven ways. First, sexual. Do I find this person attractive? Can I or should I have sex with them? Second, predatory. Should I hunt or hurt this person? Will they hunt or hurt me? Third, there is nurturing. Do I want to look after and care for this person? Fourth, fighting. Is this person a rival to something I want? Will we have to compete for a resource? Fifth, playing. Can I have a laugh here? Can we play and be happy together? S ixth, cooperating. Might this person help me get what I want? Do we seek the same thing? And seventh, communicating. Can this person teach me something or offer me some new information that's useful? Of course, first impressions can be wrong, and relationships do change. At first, you might see somebody as a rival, but find they grow into a teammate. At first, you might find somebody attractive, but find they are better as a friend to play with. And, of course, vice versa. So, the next time you meet somebody new at a party, at a conference, or whatever, carry with you Gibson's list of affordances. How will you treat this person, and what will they be to you?

Jonny Thomson

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Sunday 30 August 2026 14:15:00 GMT