@rhondandbryon: #fyp #bladdercancer #lendahandup #cancersucks #cancer Cancer sucks.  Why does no one ever finish that phrase? Cancer sucks away life as you know it.  Cancer can be all-consuming to your entire family.  Life definitely does not stop, but it changes dramatically.   Your life was once focused on family, work, and home and now it is focused around an invisible disease that some doctor said you have.  We know and believe the cancer is there, obviously, but it is more difficult when it is not seen.  Relying on someone else to tell you it is there, tell you how to manage it, and tell you what may or may not be in your future is very difficult for people who are very independent and don’t like to rely on others.  But, to continue life or to try to get back to “normal”, you have no other choice, really. Cancer sucks away your pride and dignity.  Poked, prodded, and pried upon.  All of the doctors, no matter what their specialty, know every orifice of you and your body.  Your private life is no longer private, you are forced to share it with strangers.  And, no matter how long you see the same doctor, they are strangers.  They may know you medically, but they don’t know you.  Sometimes, even when you tell them things, they don’t actually listen. On the non-medical side, relying on others and asking for help is harder than walking barefoot through a room full of Lego pieces without hurting your feet!  We have never been one to ask for help lightly, so we just don’t.  I think, for me, it is a family thing as one side of my family is “I can do this for you, but what do I get in return?”.  If you ask for help, you have to have something to give back, and right now, I am spent.  I have nothing to give back, no matter how small.  Then comes the guilt for not having anything!  So, which is harder, asking for help or dealing with the guilt of receiving the help, I ask you.  (and when you figure it out, let me know as I can’t!) Cancer sucks away any logical thinking.  There is no more planning.  No more thinking this is it.  When we get through this, we are home free or things will get easier.  I have always been one to plan, try to think things through, and try to keep it together.  Now, it is a fly by the seat of your pants situation, and I don’t like it, nor do I handle it well!  I know, you have to adjust and things have to change on a whim, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  It is so not me.   Cancer sucks away all of your financial security.  All of the trips to Mayo.  All of the trips to Fargo.  The lost time off of work.  The supplies that are needed for daily care (insurance doesn’t cover everything).  The food.  The hotel.  Things add up fast!  We do what we can to cut expenses, but it still adds up.  Work has been wonderful and I have the vacation time to spend (for now), but since we don’t know what comes next, who knows how long that will last.  This is scary, and this is REAL.  Everyone has been so generous and it means so much!  The help has been so appreciated, even if we don’t say or show it like we should. Cancer sucks away your future.  Big, hard decisions have to be made.  Very big, very hard.  Staying put in an aging house that we love on a piece of land that we love but dealing with winter and general upkeep…well, we just don’t know.  We don’t want to be in the middle of a bad winter and something more happens and snow can’t get moved out of the driveway or off of the roof.  So, we have to make the decision to move.  Then there is the decision to keep or sell.  That will take some time…I have no logic thinking anymore (since cancer sucked it away) so we are going to try like hell to keep an apartment and the farm until spring when we can maybe make a better decision.  IF we get to the other side of things.  IF nothing else happens.  IF cancer is in remission.  IF IF IF... Cancer sucks away who you thought you were (caregiver).  I always thought I was strong.  I always thought I made good decisions.  I

Rhonda

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Monday 31 August 2026 00:23:19 GMT