I think that’s often times the internet has taught us just enough about relationships to sometimes make breakups harder than they really need to be. Because now, when somebody leaves us, we don’t just say, “They ended the relationship.” We diagnose them. We have an entire list of catch phrases that somehow makes us internalize reasons why it ended when we didn’t want for it to. We say things like: “They’re avoidant.” “They’re emotionally unavailable.” “They got triggered.” “They deactivated.” “They’re afraid of intimacy.” And listen, some of those things can absolutely be real. There are people who struggle with closeness, they pull away when relationships become uncomfortable, or they have a hard time communicating and staying present when things get difficult. And listen, I’m not saying that doesn’t happen. I’m saying something else that’s completely different here. And it is simply this: Just because somebody left you doesn’t mean they’re avoidant. Sometimes somebody leaves because they don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. That’s a painful thing to say, and an even more painful thing to hear when you’re searching for a reason. I know it is. Because when we say “they’re avoidant” that can somehow actually feel better. Because If they’re avoidant, maybe they still love you. Maybe they’re just scared. Maybe they need space. Maybe once they calm down, they’ll realize what they lost and come running back. Do you see what can happen here? Something that was supposed to help you understand relationships can become the very thing that’s keeping you stuck in one that’s already over, and this is NOT a solid path towards healing. People spend hours watching videos about attachment styles, analyzing every conversation they ever had with their ex. “She did this before the breakup. That’s avoidant.” “He said this during an argument. That’s deactivation.” “She needs space. That’s textbook.” And Pretty soon, you’ve built an entire psychological explanation for why this person left. Except there’s one possibility you may not want to look at: Maybe they just decided they didn’t want the relationship anymore. That doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person. It doesn’t make you a bad person either. Sometimes two decent people can love each other and still reach a place where one of them doesn’t want to continue. Sometimes feelings change. Sometimes people realize they’re not compatible. Sometimes somebody simply decides, “This isn’t the life I want.” And listen…as painful as it is…they’re allowed to make that decision. You don’t have to like it or agree with it. You can think they’re making the biggest mistake of their life. But you still have to respect their right to choose. Now, if somebody spent years pulling you close and pushing you away, disappearing whenever things became serious, coming back when you started moving on, and repeating the same pattern over and over again, then yes—there may be something deeper going on. But here’s what I want you to understand: You don’t need to diagnose it to know what to do about it. That’s where I think the internet has gotten emotionally dangerous. We’ve learned all these words, but sometimes we use them to avoid accepting what somebody’s actions are telling us. If somebody says, “I don’t want to be in this relationship,” you don’t need a psychology degree to understand that sentence. If somebody says, “I don’t feel the same way anymore,” you don’t need endless videos explaining what they’re secretly feeling underneath it. Maybe the healthiest thing you can do is believe them. Because the moment you convince yourself that you understand their psychology better than they understand themselves, you can justify waiting indefinitely. “They don’t really mean it.” “They’re just scared.” “They’ll come back when they feel safe.” “They love me. They just don’t know how to receive love.” Maybe. But what if you’re wrong? How much of your life are you willing to waste spending it on waiting to find out? #healing #breakup - @michaeltothemax