@drjulie: 👉 So what do we do about it? The good news is you weren't born a people pleaser. You learned to survive that way. And anything learned can be unlearned. You can learn to sit with someone else's disapproval without rushing to fix it. "Don't act on what pleases. Act on what matters." Easier said than done when the prospect of disapproval fills you with fear of rejection. But in the same way that self-worth gets corroded slowly, with small decision after small decision, it also grows back in that same gradual way. So the small daily choices matter. A seemingly unimportant choice to betray yourself for someone else's approval sets you in a particular direction and increases the chances of you doing the same next time. Equally, finding small ways to advocate for yourself in everyday life sets you off in a different direction. One that is much better for you and your relationships. I would love to hear your own experiences of this. Chat with me in the comments. 👉 For more on this, both my books have you covered. 'Open When...' was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller, and I also cover some of this in my multi-million copy bestseller, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Both available in over 40 languages. (The paperback has also just been released in the USA, available in Target.)
Dr Julie | Psychologist
Region: GB
Wednesday 02 September 2026 16:27:25 GMT
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Laksh Laksh :
Where did you get the bricks?
2026-09-02 19:40:46
30
Nat 🎀 :
And you do completely lose who you are. Like, what if you’re now just empty inside and there isn’t a “you” anymore 💔
2026-09-02 16:33:40
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Maheesh _A🌿🧿 :
What if no one is becoming friendly with me 🥺 then I have to become people pleaser to fit in. Otherwise I will be alone
2026-09-03 03:57:05
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The Inner Dialogue :
This is completely relatable
2026-09-07 12:13:52
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Wayne :
I ❤️you Dr Julie 😍
2026-09-03 01:25:18
1
sunshine_beauty7 :
Hi I sent you a message and I was hoping you might be able to help me understand what I’m experiencing
2026-09-03 03:25:56
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Kez D L :
yup 🥺
2026-09-03 01:57:17
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Sophia :
The easiest thing I did to increase my selfworth was changing the way I spoke to myself. I used to beat myself up over the smallest things, every mistake meant the worlds ending and I looked for approval in places, that put a bandage over a gushing, open wound. Treating myself, how I would treat my loved ones, slowly but surely built that selfworth and selflove. And with that came not staying somewhere, I knew made me feel unwell. Putting boundaries in places to protect my self. Everytime I said yes and immediately felt a pit in my stomach, was when I really should’ve said no. And the key ingredient for all of this was anger. Healthy anger that is not inward and faced towards myself, but used what it is made for. To protect me.
2026-09-03 00:50:20
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Clairegordon1972 :
How many takes did you do? 😂
2026-09-03 07:02:23
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Beyond Ideas :
yes. i used to do that because I didn't want to hurt people's feelings
2026-09-02 19:13:47
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Rude :
Omg 😳.. I want that set!!!!
2026-09-03 03:49:25
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xoxoxo :
so how do I stop , how do I say No or put boundaries without sounding like a bad person
2026-09-02 18:06:23
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Міла Таро :
Betraying yourself is agree to something you don’t want to do but you do it because you are scared of losing somebody so this is the thing we are scared to lose somebody more than we are scared to lose ourselves but you can always find another friend or lover, but there is no another in your life so the choice is to be made carefully
2026-09-03 13:59:20
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Tetra Origin Of Mind :
An important point: repeated small choices may gradually alter the patterns the mind constructs and brings into action. That makes people-pleasing neither a fixed identity nor something changed by one decision.
2026-09-03 21:15:31
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28CharRob12 :
This is me right now 🥺
2026-09-06 18:49:26
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Fede :
My problem is that there’s no in between there’s a week that I say yes to everything and then comes another week where I say no to everything and that’s crazy because sometimes I say no to things I wanted to say yes to, sometimes I want everybody’s approval sometimes I want nothing to do with everyone. There’s no balance. I don’t know how to deal with that.
2026-09-06 08:29:21
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Michelle :
You think that one day it will Pay off, not with money but approval
2026-09-02 22:22:46
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Theta Mind :
I hear ya, no need to betray oneself
2026-09-02 19:36:28
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Marya$Charlie❤️✨ :
❤️❤️❤️precisely
2026-09-02 16:30:02
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Vaness :
Soooo true 😢😢
2026-09-02 17:43:23
1
TATI 🩵🦋 :
Hi! Im Tatiana and I was wondering where is your location in where you have your clients in your office
2026-09-05 06:45:39
1
Lauren Schenck :
Very helpful thank you 😊
2026-09-02 19:36:29
1
Alexander Almador :
PersoWrite seems especially interesting for longer drafts because repetition can become harder to spot as you write
2026-09-02 19:38:23
2
Tinotenda.getsup :
The articulation is on point 🔥
2026-09-02 18:09:46
1
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