Relationships With Aly
Region: US
Saturday 05 September 2026 16:16:13 GMT
21373
1750
78
453
Music
Download
Comments
JellyfishSlap :
Men use tone policing to silence and dismiss women. Never agree to soften your tone because they’re just gonna continue to say your tone is the problem so they can continue to dismiss you. You can speak in fundie baby voice and they’ll still say the problem is your tone.
2026-09-05 22:38:17
106
UltraEnigma :
We shouldn't be normalizing the tone by pretending it's coming from a good place. Fix the tone instead. The drowning analogy doesn't fit reality.
2026-09-05 18:44:59
20
chicken nugget :
The drowning analogy completely misses the entire point. Let’s say she’s drowning in the lake & he forgot the life vests. Instead of screaming for help she immediately begins nagging him “WHERE ARE THE LIFE JACKETS?! WHY DIDNT YOU PUT THEM IN THE BOAT” all she has to do is say “help I’m drowning”. It’s actually such a simple solution but there ALWAYS needs to be a blame game as if she never forgets to do something or as if she never puts her feelings above his. There’s ZERO understanding towards him when he’s responsible for an honest mistake & ZERO apology towards him when she’s the one responsible for making an honest mistake.
2026-09-06 23:54:48
12
Oblong.Goombah🥓 :
id like to discuss how tone actually doesn't truly matter to someone like this. i drove myself nuts in my last relationship trying to figure out the best way to approach issues and nothing HE said would work worked. there was always something else I could be doing differently or better. no amount of changing tone, method, actions, etc made any difference. ts is an excuse for them to keep avoiding and ill never play that game again. if im upset and I need to talk, im going to be kind and calm the first few times. after playing in my face for days, weeks, months, years - im not going to be nice about it anymore. but they dont ever remember all the times you WERE nice with a good tone. its all a waste of time with people like that. until they figure out that theres other people who exist and need to be considered outside of themselves no amount of whatever this is is going to fix it.
2026-09-06 20:34:53
1
Calcifiera :
I think all of you that are mad about the person willing to soften their tone are completely missing the person misinterpreting saying that she too will work on bettering herself and understanding the tone too. They're BOTH wanting to work on themselves for each other. No, misinterpreter shouldn't be coddled, but they should also be given grace and patience just like they should give grace and patience to the one with the tone that's hard to interpret.
2026-09-06 00:43:57
1
Mike :
Ok, but what if you, the person drowning, are the one who forgot the life jackets, I jump in to save you because of course, then you (or your tone) still berate me for forgetting the life jackets? (By which I mean if you are constantly putting yourself in a place of emotional distress then relying on your partner for the regulation you need and treat them like it's their fault that you were struggling all along.)
2026-09-05 18:24:22
11
PH :
Yeah, I’m not on board with telling people to abandon themselves to protect someone who is emotionally immature. It doesn’t result in emotional maturity, it’s emotional coddling and protects people with avoidant attachments who should be focused on healing their attachment.
2026-09-05 22:28:58
11
user4433188030625 :
“Why are you convinced I am attacking you?” And “.. I think you are interpreting my tone wrong.” She is right off the bat making assumptions about her partner’s state of mind and telling him he is interpreting her tone “wrong.” Not an approach any well-qualified therapist would recommend if she realistically wants to improve communications with her partner.
2026-09-08 13:40:09
10
V :
I started with the calm tone. I started with trusting and giving the benefit of the doubt and getting the life jackets myself. But drowning too often says something more about responsibility than my tone. I'm sick of being policed and expecting to show unending empathy and understanding. I shouldn't be making the person with the boat feel more comfortable when I'm taking on water regularly.
2026-09-05 18:27:34
45
Hymn :
so he'd also judge a starving man for their table manners?
2026-09-05 21:09:27
32
dvega01 :
I wish I had this perspective a decade ago
2026-09-06 20:09:21
0
pinquestdisney :
I always address the need with my partner then talk about the tone. It’s okay for two things to happen at once. You can see your partner struggling and help and not like the way they ask for help. It doesn’t mean that partner shouldn’t get help but it also doesn’t mean that the tone didn’t have consequences that negatively impacted the other partner.
2026-09-07 20:16:48
1
Mariah French :
Separate the actual words from the feeling
2026-09-06 12:01:44
0
No good cops :
One way conversation! She makes mistakes too, yet he is not allowed to say anything about her mistakes, ever!
2026-09-06 18:21:12
4
ArtTeachSD :
Stop taking the tone personally and start being curious- Wow she sounds anxious! Wonder if that is how she is actually feeling- or am I projecting my insecurities on her??
2026-09-05 21:46:47
29
Dr. Lindsay Kallen Weisner :
Remember, fighting with a spouse is like fighting with your family of origin
2026-09-05 22:28:00
2
Jen Askew :
Omg, thank you!!
2026-09-07 11:57:12
0
handiestman86 :
Weird, the roles are reversed in my house.
2026-09-07 20:04:01
0
tommya622 :
Liked… watched it all… disliked.
2026-09-05 21:52:07
3
aidenb424 :
But for the analogy, you bringing up that he forgot the life jackets, that he’s not saving you the right way and yelling at him while he’s trying to help you, doesn’t help stop you from drowning. You have someone there trying to help you, let them help. That’s the tone problem he’s raising.
2026-09-06 10:49:44
2
Meh ok :
This analogy does a poor job at proving it’s point. She’s saying “you’re” misinterpreting my tone but my tone is about things that aren’t your fault but then goes on to give an example of how her tone would be the result and fault of the person receiving it. She even states “I just want you to take responsibility” for why her tone is the way it is.
2026-09-11 10:42:09
1
The Family Experience :
if you're getting defensive no matter how I say something then that's a YOU problem not a me problem you have to figure out why you get defensive 😳 I can't make you do the work 👀 you just have a problem taking criticism 😳 why is that?
2026-09-06 11:34:07
0
TimGretty313 :
Naw, this ain’t it and you know it.
2026-09-19 04:47:42
0
To see more videos from user @relationshipswithaly, please go to the Tikwm
homepage.
