@abbyeckel: I stopped trying to parent the traits I dislike about myself out of my son. The messy room. The half-done tasks. The distracted energy. All the things I was scolded or shamed for as a kid I found myself reacting to in him 🤯 and then it all started making sense. Not because they were actually a problem… but because I was taught they were a problem in me. And every time I saw them show up in him, it triggered little Abby who just wanted to be accepted as she was. So now, when I notice it happening, here’s what I do instead: ✅ Pause before correcting. When that irritation rises up because we have been going back and forth on a task, I stop and ask myself: “Is this about him, or is this about me?” That tiny pause helps me respond from awareness, not reactivity. ✅ Separate the behavior from the person. Instead of thinking my son is doing this on purpose (sometimes he might) I try something like “Looks like you lost focus. Do you need help getting back into it?” He doesn’t internalize shame; he learns a skill. ✅ Model self-awareness out loud. If I catch myself snapping, I’ll say, “I got frustrated because I still struggle with this too. Let’s both try again.” It shows him that growth is a lifelong thing, not a performance. But sometimes I forget. But now that I’m aware of what’s happening it’s much easier to be aware of. ✅ Reframe the trait. Messiness can mean creativity. Forgetfulness can mean curiosity. I never considered myself a creative until I was in my 30s and creating content for a living. My messiness now makes complete sense. The things that used to frustrate me now feel like clues to who he is, not flaws to fix. ✅Reparent myself as I parent him. I remind myself that I get to offer him what I needed: compassion, patience, and safety to be imperfect. That’s how the cycle breaks. Because it was never really about him, it was about healing the parts of me that still thought I needed to be “better” to be loved.

abbyeckel

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Monday 07 September 2026 21:09:13 GMT