@thefemaledavidmitchell: For those unaware of the series, yes these are real stories either sent in or my own stories! #datinglife #dating #datingapps #datingin2026 #comedyskit

chun li 💙🩵 :

sry stick feet inside of what?!?@ ..... hell naw

☣︎ ДИМА ᴬⁿᵈ ᴼⁿᵉ☣︎ 🦌🫀🏳️‍⚧️ :

"wear you like a big slipper" I think is the worst thing I have ever heard. Ever.

Maddie 🌸🌸🇳🇴 :

I am just waiting until he knocks on my door…. I am NEVER going on a dating app again

𝑲𝒂𝒚 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒆 🕷️ :

i’m sorry WHAT

Tate :

“I wanna paint you green and beat you like a disobedient avocado ” was something a man once used as an opening line and I still think about it 6 years later

🪦GraveYardSystem🪦 :

genuinely, every time

peaceful :

you should do stand up comedy, i genuinely think you could be famous in that world

mxnecrxftbxrbie🌶️ :

DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN with love

Riksie :

I had a guy see my “childfree” note in my profile and he proceeded to ask about immaculate conception 😭🤮

Emily | Eating and Roaming :

I have people messaging me on *this* app (i.e., not a dating app!) asking if I want to hook up! What do I look like, the seggs fairy?!

Nani :

Zen :

You are the most delightful English speaker I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing

faithbrooks :

what i keep getting is are you dominant? like you haven't even said hello

Claudyne Vielot :

“The kind of stupid that is studied in labs” I’m wheezing 😂😂😂

DustMoon089 :

How did she know lmao

SpheresWithEars :

Opening any match in 2026 be like

Celeste :

“Innocent? …like what do you need my help moving the body of your last girlfriend or something?”

𝒮ℴ𝓅𝒷𝒾ℯ 𝒜𝓈𝒽 :

Her reading the messages

Eh07310731 :

I will never stop telling my Tinder horror story when a man suggested on our first meet up that he come over to my house and we take some GHB. 🚓🚓

Rex :

The innocent thing is so weird because you can’t be too innocent but you also have to be innocent.

firefighter :

She Revisits Websites to accept more cookies🥀

꧁𝔐𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔶꧂ :

THE FIRST ONE TOOK ME OUT BAHAHAHAHA

Thewlis Marcia :

is "too innocent" a new way to mean "not kinky enough"? 😶

Jennilee :

My personal fav first was. “When you coming over to cuddle?” Bro we JUST matched!!!!

Pen :

I think the worst I've had was a dude that likedy profile and commented "my mate and I want to spit-roast you" 😫🤮