@llfocus: — Honestly, I stopped worrying about my future a while ago. — That sounds like a good thing, said out loud like that. — It should be. Everyone talks about anxiety over the future like it's the enemy, like the goal is to finally stop dreading it. I've stopped dreading it. I just don't think that's the same as being at peace with it. — What's the difference. — Dread is still a kind of feeling something. It means some part of you is still invested, still bracing, still hoping it turns out a certain way. What I have now isn't that. I can picture it, technically. I can describe a version of it if someone asks. But nothing happens in my chest when I do. — Nothing at all. — Nothing. I can say the words, next year, five years from now, whatever comes after this, and it's like describing weather in a city I've never been to and have no plans to visit. Accurate, maybe, in some abstract sense. Completely unfelt. — When did that start. — I don't know exactly. I think it happened the same slow way most of these things happen, where you don't notice the absence until you go looking for the thing that used to be there and it's just gone. — Doesn't that scare you. — It should, probably. But even the fear doesn't fully land, which is almost the more unsettling part. I know, intellectually, that not feeling anything about your own future is supposed to be alarming. I just can't locate the alarm anywhere in my body when I try to feel it. — So what's actually there, then. If not dread, not hope, not fear. — Just space. Flat, quiet space where all of that used to sit. I reach for it and there's nothing pushing back, nothing pulling me forward, nothing at all. Just this even, empty stretch where a future is supposed to be waiting. #щп #щитпост

werni🪽

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Tuesday 08 September 2026 20:25:00 GMT