Hayes
Region: US
Wednesday 09 September 2026 20:08:15 GMT
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essselllefff :
While I can’t speak on losing a close relative who I’ve known my whole life to a disease like that, I did have a very close relationship with my husband’s grandma who had dementia and lived in memory care. My best advice is instead of trying to preserve the relationship you once had, create a new one! Live in her reality. If she says the sky is green, ask her which shade? And always act like she’s doing you the favor. Like you’re hungry and you hate eating alone, would she mind having a few bites? Lastly, never tell at her. Be an active listener. Don’t try to correct her memory that’s frustrating to them. An anecdote is that there was a woman at the nursing home who had dementia and hated everyone but always loved to see me… why? Because I would walk in her room like I was supposed to be there and make her think she loved seeing me! I would say I’m here like I promised and she’d get so excited. It takes adjusting but you can have a beautiful different relationship. Just gotta let it be. Sending hugs. xo
2026-09-11 05:37:45
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Kandra Griffith :
Watching my grandma who I was extremely close with experience dementia was the most incredible pain. I missed her every second she was in front of me. I hope it brings you a little peace that after she passed, when I think of her now, I remember her as the grandma I knew most of my life, not her lost at the end. I don’t have any advice on managing the grief while they are still earthside but I feel your pain ❤️
2026-09-09 21:59:59
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Emma :
My mom has Alzheimer’s too. She was diagnosed while my youngest sister was in high school. I don’t call enough either but I should. I’m going to take this as a sign to call my mom today. I didn’t know about your mom when you posted about your sisters wedding, but it makes me tear up knowing my sister and I will have to have that same support for one another during life’s milestones.
2026-09-09 21:02:52
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callieswag17 :
Sending you bravery! It can be so hard to make that call 💗
2026-09-09 20:14:48
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Christine :
My mother has Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. She has been non verbal for the last year. It’s like living in two separate realities of mourning who my mom was and learning to meet my mom where she is now and get to know her in the now.
2026-09-10 01:22:49
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Tess Schafer :
I see you. The phone calls can be so hard but it’s important to have them 💗 sending love
2026-09-09 20:18:29
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Celeste Harrell165 :
My dad has Alzheimer's. My parents are not easy people, and this disease is bringing out some of their worst qualities. I have to force myself to call. Sometimes I worry that they can tell that I don't want to be on that call. The anticipatory regret keeps me making the call.
2026-09-09 20:37:05
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Anxiety is my copilot :
It’s hard. No two ways about it. We were lucky that she didn’t live with it for that long. It’s so freaking complicated. I think you can let go of feeling like you need to do something more or less and focus on doing things when you’re moved to in the moment. There is always a little second guessing, but ultimately you’re doing the best you can. The best you can varies from moment to moment and that’s ok.
2026-09-09 23:57:43
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sequinavocado :
thank you for sharing this. going through something similar with my mom. it feels like i greive the loss of the relationship i thought i would have with her and greive her loss before shes gone.
2026-09-09 20:24:00
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user12170984628 :
I just turned 40 last week and I’m the sole caregiver to my mum and I’m so struggling with the ambiguous loss, as you describe it.
2026-09-09 20:15:52
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kkba8 :
Both of my parents have dementia (my Mom recently passed from it in her early 70s). Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. There were days I couldn’t handle talking to her because it was so painful, and I knew in my heart that if my Mom knew how guilty I felt that she would tell me to give myself grace. It’s such a hard journey, please be kind to yourself.
2026-09-09 22:57:00
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Samantha Rubin :
I love you ❤️
2026-09-09 23:47:39
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emilythe_____ :
Ask her about her childhood memories and try and get her talking about that. You’ll probably learn something things you didn’t know about her
2026-09-09 20:59:03
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vankayneu :
My mom has Alzheimer’s, too. I’m an only child, and it is so hard to see my mom change so much. I see you. ❤️
2026-09-09 22:16:02
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KC555 :
Alzheimer’s is the long goodbye. My Nana had it for years. It was awful. So sad for you.
2026-09-09 23:18:09
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Justine Gagne :
My grandma passed this spring after having dementia for years. I also found it hard to speak to her, especially once she didn’t know who I was. If you have a way to FaceTime or video chat, I found that to be a much better interaction for us both. I could show her my dog, ask her if she liked my haircut, or tell her she looked nice… it was a way to engage that honestly felt like lower pressure for us both. Surface level maybe, but usually enjoyable for us both, which is probably the goal at that stage of the disease. Even better if you can call with your mom or another person joining in so there’s more to observe and talk about. It’s so hard to grieve someone before they are really gone - sending you love and understanding ❤️
2026-09-10 18:53:09
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Soulsy Wellness | Reiki :
I get this in my bones. I am right there with you. It’s a cruel disease.
2026-09-10 13:21:12
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Laney :
Your feelings are so valid. I lost my grandmother in April to Alzheimer’s. I took care of her in the last 3 months of her life and it was so sad to see her decline. I think we will always have some regrets when our loved ones pass on, but I feel so much better knowing that’s she’s at peace now and not suffering anymore. It’s not an easy thing to see as a family member, but you find peace with it as time goes on. Sending you healing energy!
2026-09-09 20:36:36
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dollypartonsgoddaughter :
My grandpa had Alzheimer's and the one year anniversary of his passing is this week. I have never felt such deep grief and sadness in my entire life and have fallen into a pretty depressing spiral of pain. He was my very favorite person. I completely understand the sentiment of feeling like they're already gone. Looking back, I think it was extremely helpful to be able to grieve him while I could still hug him and look into his eyes and see all our memories in the sparkle that remained trapped inside a body/mind that could no longer support his soul and character🤍🪽
2026-09-09 20:37:53
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Danielle Nicole :
I was in high school when my grandma was at her lowest with Alzheimer’s and i hated being forced by my mom to spend weekends at her house because she wasn’t “there.” And now i wish I had been there even more since she’s been gone for 20 years.
2026-09-10 15:58:45
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ashley | kitchen eclectic :
oooo girl. here for ya.
2026-09-10 14:36:00
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madeleinetangney :
I went through that with my grandma. You’re definitely mourning them when they’re still there but I will say, it’s different when they’re gone all together/have passed. And regret is always a part of it but you will feel more settled having called. You have two grandmas - the one you knew most of your life, and the one in front of you now. You can still get to know this one! I took care of my grandma for a week about 9 months before she passed. I took her on drives which calmed her down and played Frank Sinatra. We drove by her childhood home which was no longer there (but she wanted to “go home” :( ) and she ended up telling me about all the places that used to be on her block and they were things I’d never heard before! I felt so close to her even when she mostly thought I was someone who’d kidnapped her 😅. I look back at that week as so so special. This is when I took her to a beach she loved as a kid ❤️
2026-09-10 13:12:26
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MadMadamMim :
If calling feels too hard, there are other ways to connect with her and make her feel loved. Go make a Build-a-Bear and record a message that she can listen to over and over. If there is a way for her to listen, record longer messages for her and tell her your favorite stories or add favorite songs that remind you of her. Depending on the capabilities of her location/helpers, recordings are things she could listen to over and over. It may also give you a chance to say some pf the things that feel too hard to say some days on the phone. If you or she have any memories with a particular scent - like cinnamon pinecones at Christmas or fresh cookies out of the oven or things of that nature, see if you can incorporate that with your recordings somehow. Just a few thoughts ❤️🩹 I’m sorry you’re going through this, and your feelings are so, so valid.
2026-09-10 05:17:38
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Kaitlyn Dickey :
Oh Hayes, im so sorry. I’ve loved your content for a long time, but I had no idea that this is something I would relate to you about too. One thing Im going to suggest - which may sound odd - is not only make the phone call but document her life now, just like you would have before she was sick. My dad passed from Vascular Dementia a little over 5 years ago. He went from being able to drive a car to not being able to swallow in less than 10 months. During the last days of his life I would leave the hospital and before I got to my car he was calling me upset and asking me when i was going to be visiting. I look back now and think - I sat next to him and my heart broke as I watched him literally pick at his skin until it bled, we eventually couldn’t talk because he was losing a lot of his verbal skills, he would choke when he tried to eat, and I would leave his side each night more broken than the day before. It was horrific and heartbreaking. But I still took the pictures and videos and recorded conversations. Because even though I was grieving my dad and who he was before he was sick, this was still part of his journey that i needed to see him through. He was in there - somewhere. And now - I would do anything to be able to sit next to him one more time. I’m so grateful that I was there for him and I have the memories of that time because even though some are hard and sad - it reminds me of why I made some of the decisions I did at that time. I showed up even though it was hard and frankly traumatizing at times. And that’s comforting when you look back years later because sometimes you forget exactly how things were. My belief is that our loved ones souls will know what we did to be with them and care for them once they crossover. Your mom loves you, and she may not remember to say that but I promise that a part of her knows. I am sending you so much love as you navigate this. 💞
2026-09-10 04:57:15
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Erica aka Pug & Pekingese Mom :
I like to send pictures to my MIL on text. She loves the memories.
2026-09-10 16:05:14
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