@fitnesswithalison: 2:13am I ran to your bed and collapsed into you. Into all of your things; your smell, your toys, a place where you should be. Clenched onto your toys and cried out to you, I’m sure you heard me. When I grabbed your fluffy face and pulled you into me at 1:32am with you on that stretcher in the hospital. I looked into your big blue eyes and said thank you for saving me, I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. Buddy you had cancer in all of your blood cells, bladder cancer. advanced urothelial carcinoma. When they showed me how much cancer had taken over your body, my whole being went into complete numbness. Your quality of life will always be miles above my own heart. When they brought you into the room and I saw your eyes light up when you saw me, my whole heart was begging for more time. You had the biggest grin, your little quirks were still present and all the memories since I got you , May 12, 2018 just filled the room. You shine so bright, cancer couldn’t keep that smile away. I hold onto you deeply. The procedures, medications, IV chemotherapy, radiation, urinary stents would give us only a few months if not a shorter time together. I could have chosen treatment because I wasn’t ready to lose you. But treatment would have been for my heart. Letting you go was for yours. I could have kept you here longer, but I couldn’t promise that longer meant better. With how much cancer there was, it was very possible if I decided to bring you home (and baby I promise you I did) your bladder would erupt and it would be so painful. I held your paw as you left this world, and when I finally let go, my own body fell apart. As if it knew before I did, that I had just lost half of myself. My whole body got covered in hives. I knew you were finally at peace. But my body was still searching for you. Your cup of coffee is out on the porch this morning buddy. I know you won’t be there. I will keep heating it up until I wake up from this nightmare. I never allowed my heart to even consider saying this , but my sweet, sweet baby rest in peace. I hear they have great coffee. Jaxy Waxy, lil lovebug, my fluffy face, my morning cup. I adore you in every lifetime. #dogmom #loss #griefjourney #cancer #fyp

ALISON JOHNSON | FITNESS

Open In TikTok:

Region: US

Friday 11 September 2026 00:52:55 GMT