The Pottymouth Guru
Region: CA
Friday 11 September 2026 19:34:19 GMT
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Yarimee Gutierrez :
What if the person is saying "You're selfish" or making declarative statements about your character or intentions that don't match how you feel and yourself?
2026-09-19 02:41:50
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Shyla Rayne :
The goal is curiosity: “what happened to leave you believing you’re unwanted?” “What helps you feel wanted?” “Is it this is coming from an internal fear that it projected, or directly influenced by my behavior?” All of this makes the initiator feel heard with a focus to be understood.
2026-09-11 22:06:04
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The Pottymouth Guru :
The goal isn’t to validate every conclusion. It’s to stay curious enough to find the experience underneath it. ❤️🤟🏻🌿
2026-09-11 19:36:54
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Deborahs_Galaxy :
yes! It took me a long time to realize that "I feel sad" and "I feel like you don't care" weren't the same type of information, because we use "I feel" language for both. Not that it's wrong or bad to use the same language for both. Just that the overlap can result in a lot of frustration if you don't know to reach for different tools. because if you say "I feel sad", it's information about your internal state. "I feel like you don't care" is an assessment of *my* internal state- Which I can absolutely respond to with curiosity and care, but the response to "I feel uncared for" might look like "hmm... can you tell me what you're seeing that makes you believe I don't care? Because I care about you very much, and I'd like to understand what's happening that leaves you feeling this way" I can be curious about your experience while still holding mine. I guess I think of curiosity as the tool that gets us to something I can validate. Not that validation doesn't happen, but if I'm presented with a claim that misrepresents my internal state, the tools I reach for are usually curiosity and framing our experiences as coexisting, and that combination usually ends up leading to a place where I can then reach for validation.
2026-09-21 03:20:05
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kiirkas :
I've found that there are many, many people who have been taught to say "I feel..." instead of "I think..." or "I believe..." or some other "I..." statement. Following an "I feel..." statement with something like, "Can you tell me more about that feeling?" is simple and provides an opportunity to find out about events or body sensations or thoughts or beliefs. It's about being curious and compassionate.
2026-09-13 21:23:24
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Eef :
My therapist used to react to much of what I said with 'thats not a feeling that's a thought' and though I understand the distinction is helpful for how you approach it, in practice it made every session a stressful tip-toe dance around grammar rather than a way to help me grow. I changed therapists eventually but I still notice that defense mechanism with myself every now and then! It was rough :/ Thanks for this video it helped me feel better!
2026-09-22 21:08:54
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Shleybee :
This is where having curiosity and compassion for your partner comes into play. A statement like “I feel unwanted” instead of getting defensive about that show some curiosity and ask them about what made them feel that way so they expand on that statement. Both will gain better understanding of the situation.
2026-09-20 20:09:46
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Nat :
So good!
2026-09-12 02:05:11
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MMM :
How about what my ex used to say “I feel you are rude” or “I feel you were aggressive “ 😳
2026-09-13 15:10:21
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manicselkiedreamgirl :
Idk I have a boundary around this… I don’t think it’s my job to interpret someone else’s statements into emotions or teach them how to communicate. I don’t respond to accusations dressed up in “I feel statements” and I think putting the onus on the other partner to unpack/dissect judgments and conclusions can promote some codependent patterns. The example you gave of “what happened that left you in a state that you were feeling that I wasn’t interested” is squarely on the person who felt “lonely” and if they aren’t able to articulate emotions or link connective events, they should be doing that work with a therapist, not putting that responsibility on their partner.
2026-10-01 21:57:40
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Mandie :
Do you ever feel like it’s just so super exhausting explaining all of this over and over and over and breaking down each part of it and explaining it over and over and over like an emotionally healthy and intelligent human…..bc I’m exhausted having this knowledge. And trying to explain it. Emotional intelligence isn’t easy to teach to someone who has….maybe…low emotional capacity? And defensiveness makes it extremely difficult to listen to hear and understand. The desire seems to be absent. It’s so exhausting. Do you ever break through to any dismissive avoidants? I feel like my marriage is HOPELESS at this point.
2026-09-12 12:29:54
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Kerry D 🇨🇦 :
❤️❤️❤️
2026-09-28 03:00:45
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