@iamnancycooper: Subtle ways to spot an avoidant, Part 6: Pay attention when someone seems unusually proud of needing absolutely nobody. “I’ve always handled everything myself.” “I never ask anyone for help.” “I don’t need anybody.” “I can cut anyone off.” At first, that can sound incredibly confident and independent. And sometimes it is. But there’s a difference between: “I CAN take care of myself.” And: “I must never need another person.” Because depending on someone requires vulnerability. You have to communicate a need. Trust them to respond. Allow them to help you. And accept the possibility that they could disappoint you. If relying on other people historically felt unsafe, extreme self-sufficiency can become protection. Eventually, “I don’t need anyone” isn’t simply something they do. It becomes part of who they believe they have to be. And here’s something women dating this person need to pay attention to: If they experience their OWN needs as weakness, how do you think they’re going to experience yours? Healthy relationships require autonomy AND interdependence. Two capable adults who can function independently while also allowing themselves to need, support, rely on and receive from each other. So independence isn’t the red flag. Ask yourself: Can this person receive help? Can they communicate a need? Can they depend on someone without feeling weak? Can they make room for YOU to have needs? Because someone being capable of living without anyone doesn’t necessarily tell you they’re capable of building a life WITH someone. My specialty is working with women who date men, so that’s the language I use in my content. These dynamics can occur across genders and relationship configurations. #avoidantattachment #hyperindependence #emotionallyunavailablemen #datingredflags #datingadviceforwomen

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