user8768592037901 :
It’s hard to come to terms with how much my life appears to be a plotted on sham. I was a believer in chivalry, and being protective, and kind to women for most of my life. Rejection after rejection, being stood up, setup fails, having friends go after and date women I was interested in, being cheated on, treated horribly changed me. I’m going to save myself the embarrassment of all the extreme number of incidents and details until it’s necessary. People came into my life that showed me otherwise, with perverted jokes, memes, materials, books, events (expo, nude poppin). Perverse conversation seemed the norm even later on when I could have been the one promoting them. Again, no idea this whole vide man monster narrative was going on behind my back. Kinda hard to deny that these things sent my way didn’t have their agenda attached to them, and influencing factors by everyone built into it. It does not excuse me from the perverted jokes, and laughing at memes. hopefully, it can offer an explanation. After so many rejections and horrible treatment, I took to trying to better myself in this area. I don’t apologize for trying to self improve on the attraction front and get better at not being socially awkward do to many countless failed attempts to meet someone, or have a dating life. It really didn’t matter, with what I now believe was going on strategically behind my back. If they had not done all this bullshit behind my back I’m certain I would have found someone, and have a family by now. As far reading into religion or philosophy, or research hobbies, I believe it is a form of escapism, a way to put your mind elsewhere and to transcend the hardships of life and offer new perspectives, profound discoveries, better tools to deal with life and meaning. One that’s more positive, or at the least as I see it, less harmful then other forms of escapism. If I was more conscious about it, or more private, based on what I believe now was going on, would it have even mattered? My whole life feels as though it has been destroyed due to my non aggressive, non pain based sexual fetish, and what other people thought I would become, or tried endlessly to portray as ormake into.
2026-09-12 13:51:58