@jaron.a:

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Saturday 12 September 2026 13:56:42 GMT
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I think there’s a real point buried in this, but it applies to both men and women. We spend so much time talking about what we deserve from a relationship that sometimes we forget to ask what kind of partner we’re actually bringing into one. Women hear, “Know your worth. Don’t settle. Find a man who provides, protects, communicates, plans dates, reassures you, and makes you feel loved.” And those can be completely reasonable desires. But there’s another question worth asking: what does he experience when he’s with you? Does he feel respected? Appreciated? Desired? Can he be vulnerable without having it thrown back at him during the next argument? Do you notice what he does for you, or only what he forgets? Can you apologize when you’re wrong? Do you support his goals without trying to control his life? Do you make him feel like he’s loved for who he is rather than only for what he provides? And men need to ask themselves the exact same questions in reverse. A relationship can’t survive on two people carrying lists of requirements while neither one has developed the character necessary to meet somebody else’s needs. Obviously, nobody should use “you need to learn how to treat a man” as an excuse for women to tolerate disrespect, become submissive to unhealthy behavior, or carry the entire emotional burden of a relationship. Men aren’t entitled to unconditional admiration simply for being men, just as women aren’t entitled to endless effort simply for being women. Healthy love is reciprocal. Both people should feel valued, respected, safe, desired, and considered. Maybe that’s something dating culture could talk about more. Don’t only ask, “Does this person meet my standards?” Ask, “Am I becoming someone capable of meeting the standards of the kind of person I want?” Because finding a great partner is only half the equation. Eventually, you have to know how to be one too.
I think there’s a real point buried in this, but it applies to both men and women. We spend so much time talking about what we deserve from a relationship that sometimes we forget to ask what kind of partner we’re actually bringing into one. Women hear, “Know your worth. Don’t settle. Find a man who provides, protects, communicates, plans dates, reassures you, and makes you feel loved.” And those can be completely reasonable desires. But there’s another question worth asking: what does he experience when he’s with you? Does he feel respected? Appreciated? Desired? Can he be vulnerable without having it thrown back at him during the next argument? Do you notice what he does for you, or only what he forgets? Can you apologize when you’re wrong? Do you support his goals without trying to control his life? Do you make him feel like he’s loved for who he is rather than only for what he provides? And men need to ask themselves the exact same questions in reverse. A relationship can’t survive on two people carrying lists of requirements while neither one has developed the character necessary to meet somebody else’s needs. Obviously, nobody should use “you need to learn how to treat a man” as an excuse for women to tolerate disrespect, become submissive to unhealthy behavior, or carry the entire emotional burden of a relationship. Men aren’t entitled to unconditional admiration simply for being men, just as women aren’t entitled to endless effort simply for being women. Healthy love is reciprocal. Both people should feel valued, respected, safe, desired, and considered. Maybe that’s something dating culture could talk about more. Don’t only ask, “Does this person meet my standards?” Ask, “Am I becoming someone capable of meeting the standards of the kind of person I want?” Because finding a great partner is only half the equation. Eventually, you have to know how to be one too.

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