The Pottymouth Guru
Region: CA
Saturday 12 September 2026 15:22:25 GMT
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there is tiny movement forward but only as trying to contain the defensiveness. 20 yrs together and neither had any of these skills. I've spent the last 10-12 years learning and have tried everything to get him to join me. there has never been any repairs, no books or research, no revisiting convos, no looking inward or curiosity, still just a surface level relationship. I'm fucking tired of trying to be the bigger person, tired of being his teacher, his mom and the manager of all emotions while raising emotionally intelligent kids. turned 50 on 8/3. he planned nothing, no little gift, no card. I explained how much this hurt me (as I have in years past) but he never made it right. even if he starts making big changes, I think its too late bc I am just too tired and numb.
2026-09-16 20:59:03
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jillybean :
Leaving after 22 years
2026-09-12 16:04:02
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McDoodle :
I appreciate the way you address the how. That’s usually the missing piece
2026-09-12 18:48:28
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Mario Moore :
Thanks for not gatekeeping 😊
2026-09-12 19:47:09
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The Pottymouth Guru :
The thing I’d watch for isn’t whether they still get defensive. It’s whether they’re taking increasing responsibility for what happens after they do. Coming back, getting curious, repairing, practicing, trying again. That’s willingness. ❤️🤟🏻🌿
2026-09-12 15:23:03
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hizlenry :
What keeps them from being willing? Is it usually that it’s too difficult to let go of the protective strategies? That they would feel too unsafe.
2026-09-13 12:02:10
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janedoe123 :
Is DA like a defensive avoidant? Dismissive avoidant? Or something else? Please and thank you
2026-09-12 17:30:23
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Thin Air :
You have literally changed my life. My meltdowns are shorter, the people closest to me have noticed I'm doing better at handling things. They clocked the shorter meltdowns and the decrease in frequency. 😅 Your information about attachment styles and shame wounds was on the money and exactly what I needed to bring up to my therapist to unblock my progress (I'd been searching for answers since high school, to the point of it becoming my general special interest. And it was to no avail! No one ever explained how). I've also been working really hard on emotional regulation too from a book called "The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation" by Jenna Free (For anyone interested!). It's just so nice to finally have found some answers after searching for literal years. Somatic finding where things feel and describing has also been incredibly useful and being able to know the feeling of that urgency to fix a problem and understand it's the attachment/wound flaring is so powerful. Thank you so much for these videos! When I'm having a rough time you're one of first channels I want to go to to help get reoriented.
2026-09-13 05:25:00
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TheLoneEstranger :
This was very helpful. I appreciate the advice on what to watch for. I'm seeing those small things, but didn't realize it.❤️
2026-09-12 15:51:58
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Wild_Mouse_🇨🇦 :
Okay my hubby of 30 years is occasionally making incremental changes. I see moments where he tries to manage his DA behaviours. Then he reverts back and says things like ‘it’s got to be your way’ or ‘I have to follow a script exactly how you set it out for me’. And my response is ‘no this is what our therapist has asked us to do’. Anyway, it’s not easy reminding my DA hubby to stop being disrespectful or swearing under his breath at me or stoping around the room like an 8 year old having a tantrum. It’s exhausting actually. 😞
2026-09-16 22:17:37
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