🦅 BSN EXCLUSIVE: The Man, The Myth, The Lowercase Threat To Your Entire News Cycle 🦅 WASHINGTON, D.C., sources confirmed Tuesday that Donald J. Trump has once again managed to occupy every television screen, podcast feed, group chat, and dinner table argument in the known world simultaneously, a feat experts are already comparing to a force of nature, a solar flare, or that one uncle nobody invited but who still somehow ended up at the head of the table. WHITE HOUSE, staff reportedly spent the better part of the morning attempting to determine which version of Trump they would be dealing with today: deal-maker Trump, tariff Trump, press conference Trump, or the particularly unpredictable golf course Trump, who sources close to the situation describe as "operating on a completely separate timeline from the rest of civilization. Analysts noted that regardless of what actually happened, the story will inevitably be either the greatest thing ever done by a sitting president or a sign of the imminent collapse of the republic, depending entirely on which television channel is currently on in your living room. Both sides have reportedly already written their headlines. Several were published before the event occurred. Experts are calling it "the Trump Constant," a theoretical law of political physics which states that no matter what happens, globally or locally, the conversation will return to Donald Trump within four to seven minutes. Scientists studying the phenomenon confirmed they have found no exceptions. They have stopped looking. AMERICA, for its part, continues to absorb the news cycle with the quiet dignity of a nation that has been doing this for nine years and has completely run out of adjectives. #trump #whitehouse #maga - @official.bsn.network