@virtualcouch: We train the relationship by what we tolerate. And I don't say that to blame the person who's been tolerating it. Quite the opposite. You may have become incredibly good at managing the relationship because, at some point, that's what helped you survive it. You learned when to let something go. When not to bring something up. When to smooth things over. When to explain yourself differently. When it was easier to absorb the discomfort than risk another exhausting conversation. And eventually, something strange can happen. The other person may become almost completely unaware of how much you're sacrificing because you've become so good at making the relationship work. Then comes the double bind. When you finally try to talk about what you've been carrying, instead of curiosity you may hear: "Well, you should have said something." Or... "I didn't do that." And now you're not only trying to explain what has been happening, you're trying to explain why you didn't explain it sooner. Maybe the place to begin isn't blaming yourself for what you've tolerated. Maybe it's becoming curious about what you've learned to tolerate, why you needed to, and what you want to do differently now. Save this if you've ever become so good at keeping the peace that nobody noticed what it was costing you. #emotionalimmaturity #narcissism #relationships #peoplepleasing #boundaries

the virtual couch

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Thursday 17 September 2026 22:33:59 GMT