@beaconpostpartum: been pumping at night for 152 days. And I know that number because apparently motherhood turns you into someone who measures life in feeds, ounces, wake windows, and how many consecutive hours of sleep you haven’t gotten 😂 But the 3:53am pump has always been the worst one. The house is completely silent. Baby is asleep. My husband is asleep. The dog is asleep. Probably every person I’ve ever met is asleep. And I’m sitting in a chair attached to a pump trying not to look at the clock because somehow knowing it’s 3:53am makes me even more tired 😭 There is something uniquely lonely about pumping in the middle of the night. During the day there’s noise everywhere. Laundry. Bottles. Texts. Baby. Work. Life. At 3am it’s just you and that stupid repetitive pump sound 😂 Then last night I opened this app while I was pumping and saw the map. There were little yellow dots EVERYWHERE. Each one was another mom who was awake right then. Some feeding. Some pumping. Some rocking a baby. Some probably scrolling because their baby finally fell asleep but their own brain decided sleep was no longer necessary 🙃 And I just stared at it. Because for 152 nights I’ve felt like I was the only person on earth awake in that chair. Apparently I wasn’t. Not even close. Then I got a notification. 3 moms sent you hugs. One was from New Mexico. Another was from KYRGYZSTAN?! I actually laughed because what even is motherhood 😂 Two women who have absolutely no idea who I am, thousands of miles apart, were awake with me in the middle of the night. No advice. No “have you tried…” No telling me I should be enjoying every second because it goes so fast. Just a little hug. Like, hey. I’m awake too. 💛 I didn’t realize how much I needed that. Because I think one of the hardest parts of postpartum is how alone you can feel while simultaneously never actually being alone. Someone always needs you. Someone is always touching you. Your entire day revolves around another tiny human. And somehow you can still feel incredibly lonely. Especially at 3:53am. Last night didn’t magically make pumping easier. I was still exhausted. I still had bottles to wash. I still desperately wanted to crawl back into bed 😂 But it felt different. Because instead of staring into a dark room thinking everyone else was sleeping… I could literally see the moms who weren’t. So tonight when that alarm goes off again and I drag myself back to the pump, I know I’ll open that map. And somewhere out there another exhausted mom will probably be doing the exact same thing. Maybe I’ll send her a hug this time. 💛 #mom #baby #MomsofTikTok #momtok #momlife

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