natalie louise
Region: US
Sunday 20 September 2026 16:32:58 GMT
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joshuastarks :
you just perfectly described how it all ends up being a "chore" to them. And im finding its a hard rock to get out from under. Words dont relieve this pressure for them
2026-09-24 01:22:04
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SE :
To put it into perspective, avoidants and anxiouses have different native sources and expressions love. Say we pretend giving someone oatmeal is treated similar culturally to texting. A bowl of oatmeal out of appreciation can feel like love. A few breakfasts in bed or favorite dishes? Thats cool! Love that :) -- Daily oatmeal? I mean, its a bit of an effort, but for love, sure, thats fine. An unbroken pattern of daily oatmeal several times a day? Okay, thats kinda a lot. Oatmeal doesnt have any inherent connection to your internal feeling of love and probably isnt the avenue you're naturally desiring to express it. Unbroken daily oatmeal every time you eat? Wow, thats a lot. Oatmeal or else youre ignoring them. Oatmeal or else youre neglecting them. Oatmeal at the requested pace or else youre feeding their anxiety about being oatmealless. Cant you just make the oatmeal? It takes 3 minutes!! How could you be so selfish that something as easy as oatmeal is laborious!! -etc. etc.- The point here being, oatmeal has no intrinsic connection to love in your brain but does to your hypothetical partner. Its literally only done for their sake. It doesnt feel like love making it. Recieving it, even a lot of it, doesnt feel like love beyond knowing it means something to your partner. And failing to be consistent in oatmeal delivery is treated like a failure of love itself. -- Beyond a certain point oatmeal just becomes a chore, like skittles in the bowl when youre craving MnMs. No matter how much joy it brings the other person, its not expressing, representing, or feeding back into very much of anything for you. So it feels like a performance. You do it because your person loves it and pretend to like it when they do it for you. A dozen or so "oatmeals" can run interference for any love you have and want to express. Not everything can survive being translated into breakfast. Thing is, for avoidants, oatmeal is stuff like texting or talking vs stuff they tend to like doing supporting indepedent goals or doing chores for someone or feeling safe to relax around someone.
2026-09-21 15:27:52
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smulismuli77 :
Well, they need help. That kind of behaviour is not normal
2026-09-20 19:47:39
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dcartxr555 :
i lliterally dont care if he sat there and farted and scrolled on tiktok he puts that pressure on himself 😭
2026-09-21 06:42:12
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alice :
I wish they asked for distance and space. Mine always just take it aggressively.
2026-09-21 13:28:24
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Breana Amika :
On point
2026-09-23 07:57:56
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🦷🦷🦷 :
so then what should this couple do? i'm lowkey in this situation right now. don't want to lose her but she just feels like it's too late, she hurt me and doesn't want to hurt me, she says we should try but she keeps pulling away etc
2026-09-21 13:16:22
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The Sproute Space :
This is exactly what happened
2026-09-21 21:51:24
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Dhshawjsnf :
If a avoidant partner asks for help after wanting space and suddenly saying there not ready for relationship do i help them?
2026-09-22 20:56:30
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CloudyMentos :
They’ll say some dumb shit like “you’re not the type of friend I was looking for.” Then start love bombing when you distance from them.
2026-09-22 00:24:06
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💭 :
аnԝеn rеіd dіdn’t tеll mе tо rеlах. thе аnхıеtү ԛuıꮓ nаmеd thе раttеrn і ĸерt ᴄаllіng mү реrѕօnаlіtү
2026-09-20 22:05:15
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Avan :
Avoidants are dangerous predators that hunt for fun
2026-09-20 17:49:16
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