Bree | Psychology
Region: US
Tuesday 22 September 2026 12:43:05 GMT
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BingBong :
I would honestly go as far as say that I think anxious attachment is more likely to be abusive because that style *is* control related. My anxious attachment was 100% a control issue when I was younger.
2026-09-22 21:45:38
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littlest mixer :
As a secure attachment, I’ve dealt with both anxious and avoidant attachment people and the anxious ones were way more controlling and I felt far more harmed by them than an avoidant.
2026-09-22 20:16:30
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Michelle Lynn :
Many people who think avoidants are the devil are anxiously attached and were so codependent and demanding of an avoidant to constantly regulate and validate them and brought out the worst side of the avoidant.
2026-09-22 17:07:23
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klyer_is_big :
abuse is power + control. it not when someone hurts your feelings.
2026-09-22 16:58:07
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oneoneone :
Oh, good luck, I can hear them typing in the comments
2026-09-22 18:47:29
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Genuflex :
anxious in the comments - just because something hurt you doesn't mean that person abused you.
2026-09-23 07:35:17
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mandjsfabulousadventure :
i appreciate this because as someone with avoidant tendencies, it kind of sucked to start researching my attachment style and everything people talk about it is just how awful we are and how we'll never be good partners.
2026-09-22 17:54:13
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Goofy_man_eli :
Anxious people larping secure attachment are fuming rn
2026-09-22 17:02:50
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michaelist_ :
No attachment style, no personality style, no disorder, no illness is automatically an abusive or manipulative person; and not all abusive people have a certain attachment style, a certain personality, a certain disorder, or a certain illness. These are all spectra.
2026-09-22 22:25:54
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meels ⭐️ :
Also unfortunately a lot of the time it’s expecting people to like you just because you like them, you cannot love someone into loving you back. It’s not abusive if someone is not into you or does not want your attention!!
2026-09-22 18:06:33
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Gleelusional :
like, I'm an anxious attachment style, but even I can admit that the disappointment I've felt in my "relationships" were never about the person being objectively cruel or harmful. We were always just incompatible, and that doesn't need to be villainized.
2026-09-23 07:21:05
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jdubdev :
I’m too early to get enraged with the avoidant-hating commenters. Tag me when they show up.
2026-09-22 12:58:41
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anonymous :
Ohh I can hear the stampede of the anxiously attached coming for your very correct statements 😂
2026-09-22 22:28:18
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Kennaas :
I feel like “avoidant” is being used far too liberally with some people…. Are they truly an avoidant, or do they just not like you very much?
2026-09-22 21:40:58
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Liezy 🍉😷🌈 :
I have a sinking feeling people are starting to think of avoidant as synonymous with narcissist, which is ALREADY stemming from a deep misunderstanding of cluster b personality disorders and mental health issues
2026-09-22 19:42:05
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swears2much :
youre assuming abuse has to be intentional and it does not
2026-09-22 17:04:48
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Jornunvosk :
“This is not opinion, this is a fact” followed by nothing but paragraphs of claims with no backing
2026-09-22 16:55:48
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Levi :
i love when people say, "my avoidant ex" and really they were just a dick...
2026-09-23 04:32:33
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Bobby :
Here they come
2026-09-22 18:12:20
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kris [they/them] :
as someone who has both been anxious and avoidant, the thing that anxious attached people dont get is that the way they feel when they perceive someone is abandoning them is the way that avoidant attached people feel when they perceive theyre being smothered. avoidant behavior just feels like this evil, abusive thing because you, personally, feel unsafe when there is perceived distance in the relationship. both of your attachment styles are unhealthy and both of you have work to do.
2026-09-22 20:17:42
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Ash D :
thank you for this because people do not know the difference. people also do not know when to leave the partner who can’t be what they need. like dude i’m sorry you’re in a shitty relationship but that has nothing to do with ME. say these things to your partner (maybe in a more constructive way than what i’ve seen here..) and have a bigger conversation. i struggle enough with healing from this and seeing people in the comments telling me i should die alone because trauma made me this way doesn’t make that journey better. ive been single for 5 years working on me so that i DONT hurt anyone this way. i don’t need to hear a person who’s has no healthy output talking down on me about things they know nothing about. all people genuinely need to go to therapy. full stop.
2026-09-22 15:01:23
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Andrés :
Please say once more for the people not listening because they're in their feels
2026-09-22 20:43:41
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kate :
Avoidants are not a monolith,a lot of avoidants are self aware and opt out of dating because we know we hurt people.
2026-09-22 19:38:58
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sgr_a_starxx :
I also think there’s a lot less avoidants out there than people think. I feel like any time an anxious attached person gets into a relationship and things go wrong, they assume the other party is an avoidant. The same goes for avoidants assuming their partner is anxiously attached. People are very quick to diagnose their exes without actually understanding the motives behind their actions
2026-09-22 23:09:12
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ᴾᵘⁿᵏ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ :
In today’s age where people are encouraging boundaries and stepping away when those those boundaries are crossed, that people still hate avoidance so much. Like yes, it’s an extreme side of boundary setting, but it’s better than chasing the person that keeps hurting you because you can’t let it go.
2026-09-22 16:18:22
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