Sandwich Generation Mom ❌
Region: US
Thursday 08 October 2026 22:03:00 GMT
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kathy :
I father needed help but would not accept it. He fell one night and broke his ribs and punctured his lung. He died 3 days later.
2026-11-02 19:25:26
2
dsydney :
sometimes after many times being refused your help, you have to stop. ypu have it right. im deep in this phase. you have to preserve your sanity
2026-11-02 21:04:22
1
coriebegin :
my mother in law is alone ine another state and complains she is alone. I offered my home for her to live with us. She refuses to move to the state we live in and makes excuses but calls my husband all the time complaining she is in pain and she is scared and doesn't listen to us. I basically told her that she needs to stop being so stubborn and move in with us but no she wants us to drop everything and live with her. Um no thats not gonna happen
2026-10-13 12:55:29
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RahhButtReed :
I am the granddaughter.. I took care of my grandmother for ten years+, while also taking care of four children.... She had three sons that live within a mile of her.... But I had to take care of her... Here's my advice... don't f****** do it
2026-10-08 22:17:26
136
✨SwampWitch✨ :
I’m fine with not doing anything so long as I’m not expected to swoop in and fix their mistakes or cancel my plans because they are in yet another crisis.
2026-10-09 16:38:11
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Jac Sherry :
Yeah. It's very hard. My mom refused to give up living without help and she was losing weight because she couldn't cook for herself. Her clothes and hair were dirty because she couldn't manage her laundry or bathing on her own. Finally, one day she gave up and agreed to move into assisted living. Now her weight is back up and she's clean, her hair is brushed, her clothes are un-stained and her apartment is tidy. But she had to make that decision. We couldn't do it for her.
2026-10-09 18:07:21
15
catmom6424🐱 :
Agree. I just had a conversation with my mom and i told her if you want my help then you have to allow me to help if not im out. The fights are getting worse and i dont have the mental capacity for all this.
2026-10-09 00:03:55
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Katte R Piller :
I recently took my mother an appt for a new medical issue, 1 of like 85! The PA was asking all the regular questions; Do you have help at home, do you use a medication organizer, have you done this that or the other thing?? I'm nodding my head, I've tried all the things, yada yada. The PA came back with, "so you're just gonna have to wait for it to get really bad." 🤷♀️I guess so. Fun times.
2026-10-09 13:33:10
15
Wittyannyork :
This happened with my dad. He refused. He had a bad fall. That was the turning point. I had to let it happen. Then I was able to place him in rehab and that turned into long term care. He was safe and I could breath. I feel bad he was never able to go home. But I also gave him dignity. Live clean and eating etc. sadly I lost him in April I have to remind myself everyday this is how he chose to live and I had to make that choice for him.
2026-10-09 17:01:04
5
LexieSheikh :
My MIL broke both shoulders (each 1.5yrs apart) because she refused to use her cane and tripped over my dog. Both times she broke her shoulders was falling over my dog, no cane.
2026-10-09 00:38:55
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Captain Preppy :
they act like children but have adult power
2026-10-12 23:33:54
12
Salty RPh_EMT :
My MIL made her boyfriend her POA after my husband passed suddenly and that’s when I washed my hands of it. No one in her family will step up - they just assume I will handle it. Guess what - nope ! Not my problem anymore. She hasn’t even contacted her grand kids and yes she has their numbers.
2026-10-13 00:23:44
5
PanButWithPreferences :
I work in healthcare and told my family member many many many years ago that they were fired as my “patient“ because they were not even attempting to take care of themselves. So I was therefore not going to be offering any more advice or assistance.
2026-10-09 21:07:24
5
John Q :
My mom was fiercely independent until she wasn’t. I let things roll as you said, while planning in the background. I took over as POA when it was time and decisions were made. I had about a 2 year lead time of where I could see where this was headed but did not insert myself outwardly. Visited places, got info. Followed social media of those who went before me. Was super helpful.
2026-10-09 01:00:36
6
Ashley :
I completely agree! I have to remind him often that he is an adult and is making his own decisions!! He has fallen twice and they keep letting him go home, I said 3 times and your done making the decisions.
2026-10-08 22:43:47
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Bagheera :
my elderly aunt with early dementia lives hours away from her entire family. she's been living independently for 40 years. she ain't budging
2026-10-11 15:42:11
2
J9DV :
Nothing. I totally agree with you. People are allowed to make decisions at any adult age if they are capable.
2026-10-08 22:43:08
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hasnoname5432 :
As long as you make it clear that when it becomes an emergency, you will not be rushing to her aide or rescue, let them do what they’re going to do.
2026-10-12 15:12:47
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Nicky :
Agree bc otherwise I end up trying to mother her which then allows her to rebel and act out. It’s infuriating but I also do nothing.
2026-10-08 22:12:36
6
CMac312 :
I’ve been through this twice with both my parents who are now deceased. Let them
2026-10-08 22:13:48
6
mamaweaves420 :
Deep breath….exactly. They drive the bus, we ride along. Do we agree with their choices, no. Do we have to stop and pivot when emergency event occurs-yes. Could we mitigate numerous activities -yes. Do we mitigate- not until they ask. After a year of in home hospice care for my mother, now have to support my onery father. I cannot do anything until he tells me he ready. He is independent damn it! Yes, sir. I have ride along until a catastrophic event occurs. 🤷♀️. It is painful but part of the human condition with aging for many. Occasionally, there are parents that recognize and accept support before life altering events unfold. I don’t have those parents.
2026-10-20 22:22:11
1
rlm :
It’s going to be disaster later but for my peace now I’m backing off
2026-10-28 21:02:33
2
Sherri Lee Pearce :
But my adult mom has mild dementia
2026-10-26 04:11:46
1
Naomi Shippen Thriller Author :
Also there’s dignity of risk. People who have capacity get to make their own choices.
2026-10-09 04:17:56
1
kbradshaw19 :
I agree with this. I have suggested and recommended but I can’t force anyone to take care of themselves.
2026-10-13 15:18:56
2
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