Ell | Cultivating Bold Spaces
Region: GB
Friday 25 September 2026 15:45:49 GMT
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Doubled Moss :
The issue is any gendered expectation will cause division. we are all just people
2026-09-25 15:52:01
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Nostalgic Nelly :
“Protector and provider” = working a 9-5. Which we all do. It cracks me up.
2026-09-25 19:46:40
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⭐ Taro Yanada ⭐ :
It was frustrating to watch your video and then see half of the comments saying "yeah, but if you teach the gender roles right, then it's going to come out right!" like if the entire thesis of the video wasn't that gender roles in and of themselves are bad and cause toxic dynamics. People keep missing the point in order to grasp at an ideal that we are precisely criticising here!
2026-09-25 17:54:44
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Deepfriar :
I feel like this either misses or ignores the implication that men's lives are inherently less valuable because they are expected to sacrifice themselves to protect women. The entire protect and provide mind set is based on the idea that it is better for a man to die than a woman. That is going to lead to resentment.
2026-09-25 18:05:14
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Akil :
This is where I think men’s evolution from the patriarchy will be the most beneficial. Reclaiming our humanity, defining masculinity for ourselves outside of the need to perform for women and society.
2026-09-25 16:05:14
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ashefongugu :
Also what are they saying protecting women from?
2026-09-25 17:54:25
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lemlem :
I think EVERYONE yearns to feel protected and provided for
2026-09-25 17:45:24
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Peppsy :
I feel resentment when women (or anyone, but resentment towards women is the topic) have their cake and eat it too. Like I've had women in my life who are full independent girlboss right up to the point where they'd have to face some consequence, and then it's "I'm just a girl it's not my job to fix anything". It's infuriating and based on what I see online it's an incredibly normal mindset.
2026-09-26 05:39:04
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Tiffanie | Therapist IRL :
I think the internalized expectation for men to protect and provide also leads to the expectation that women will nurture and care. Which contributes to the imbalance in emotional and invisible labor placed on women and for some men to expect the women in their lives to be their external emotional regulator which can lead women to feeling burnout and resentment and men resentful when she doesn’t
2026-09-25 18:37:11
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L :
Protector and provider mindset also makes some men out there has a problem understanding a woman’s consent. Because they did everything they are expected to they automatically assume you as a woman owes them what they want and eventually grew resentful
2026-09-25 23:51:38
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the king of cats :
it's not that we fear being protected as emasculating. it's that "being protected" doesn't exist for men. i think you're missing the point.
2026-09-25 20:14:09
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Hannah 🩷 :
the other day, I was watching a video of Hannah Fryer and the Vsauce guy, and they were talking about how there isn't a female equivalent to "emasculated". the closest is "masculinized", but obviously in both cases the masculinity is the thing being framed. because, obviously, femininity is seen as inferior and not worth possessing. very interesting
2026-09-26 12:09:43
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jaaguprkreemiasutaja :
protect and provide just sounds like traditional gender roles and expectations repackaged to seem somehow less violent or damaging. the most common archetype of man in media is typically physically larger and/or more materially endowed than the female counterpart
2026-09-25 15:54:50
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Glamohemian Interior Design :
This is AnOT the problem. At least not in my culture
2026-09-26 15:43:07
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. :
I don’t think I’ve seen a more accurate video. As a young guy who feels this resentment and “injustice”, how do I move past it? Because it feels like the “protect and provide” route is the only way.
2026-09-25 16:18:41
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khushi.researches :
i love this analysis !!!
2026-09-26 11:24:39
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Marie :
so well said
2026-09-26 12:09:20
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Lord Julio 💫 :
Well said.
2026-09-26 13:48:25
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SilentP13426 :
There's also an additional resentment that gets created during workforce reductions/shifts (such as automation, women entering the workforce and recently AI) that causes additional tensions where men can feel betrayed that the social script/'promise' that being 'the provider' is no longer rewarded or even needed. If there are no social scripts of what else a man can be outside of that role? Even more anger and resentment stemming from being 'lost'.
2026-09-25 16:00:28
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Jon :
Very precise analysis. I will also add that the traditional “protector/provider” role encourages to misogyny because it abdicates responsibility from the woman and infantilizes them in a sense. For men it’s seen as them being the only ones capable of protecting/providing because the woman is too feeble/incapable of doing it on her own
2026-09-25 17:22:36
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TheTvMartian :
Idk if it’s because I’m a black man but I’ve always hated the “protector” role. I don’t like violence. Ironic because I’ve been in a lot of it but that’s the exact reason why. I would protect my partner if it came down to it but I just hate the expectation that I must be ready to commit violence and it is my role. As if I’ve been designated as some brute to call out when something goes wrong.
2026-09-25 17:29:58
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Bishopddog :
Not to mention the men who don't fully meet the protector and provider role due to economic reasons out of their control often still demand submissiveness as the lack of it projects their fears that "they are not good enough" and "they are not worthy", resent their wives. Truly an awful dynamic I fight to break away from everyday
2026-09-25 16:35:00
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Nate Bates :
There was a man on here talking about his clean room paradox, how maybe as a kid you learn to like your room clean but then if your parent asks you to clean it you immediately don’t want to. He compared to dates, he said he *likes* to be the provider but doesn’t like when she also wants that and mentions it too early in dating (date one). I feel like if he ACTUALLY liked providing there’s no reason to mind her bringing it up early, he’d go “nice, you like it, I like it, we can have a great relationship!” But I think it’s a burden he’s been conditioned to accept, and he can see effort & value in himself providing, but, really, how many people actually want to acquire a dependent?
2026-09-25 17:44:10
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Comrade Coolpants ☭ :
I think it's too reductive to claim that it's the "same men" that resent gender roles that feel emasculated when those roles are challenged. It's very often not the same men I would argue.
2026-09-25 17:08:27
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Seeeeeeee :
Please reconsider. "a man wants to split the bill" but doesn't want a woman to offer 50l50. I find this doubtful.
2026-09-25 18:21:45
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