@elly.psychologist: You've tried the calm version and the detailed version, walked them through examples, even asked them to picture how it would feel if the roles were reversed, and still they don't get it. When that keeps happening, it's easy to assume your relationship has a communication problem, but the wording is rarely the issue. What's usually missing on the other side of the relationship is the ability to see their own behaviour clearly, to own the impact it had, and to genuinely step into how you feel. Without that, your feelings don't land as information, they land as a threat. So instead of being heard, you're told you're overreacting or too sensitive, that most people wouldn't be bothered, that they wouldn't feel that way in your shoes, or that they only behaved like that because you pushed them to it. Sometimes it's quieter than that, with them turning hurt and fragile, reminding you how much they love you and how hard they try, until you're the one feeling guilty and apologising. Each of these moves, deliberate or not, does the same job of closing the conversation down and keeping the relationship stuck in the same place. Underneath it is usually someone who finds the shame and discomfort of self-reflection so hard to bear that the blame has to land somewhere else. That leaves a relationship where one person is focused on protecting themselves and the other is reaching for connection, and those two aims can't meet. It can be driven by entitlement, where your care is expected as standard but theirs is treated as a favour, or by emotional immaturity, which many people quietly make allowances for because it feels easier to understand. Knowing the reason might help it make sense, but it doesn't reduce what it's doing to you, and the impact is just as real either way. No amount of reading, rephrasing or rehearsing will fix a relationship like this on your own, because you're dealing with long-standing ways of seeing the world, shaped by beliefs that often go back to childhood. Real change in the relationship depends on the other person wanting it, then committing to long-term therapy with someone skilled in emotional manipulation and abuse, and even then progress comes slowly, in small shifts rather than breakthroughs Official accounts and resources: www.ellyanastasiades.com #relationshiptok #relationshiptips #relationshipabuse #relationships #relationshipproblems

Elly | Counseling Psychologist

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Region: GB

Sunday 04 October 2026 07:10:00 GMT